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“You deserve way better than who I was in high school.”
I could tell from Felix’s expression that he’d make me tell him all about it later. And somehow, the knowledge didn’t fill me with dread, but with tentative joy that he wanted to know me—even the versions of me that weren’t worth knowing.
“Pretend,” he murmured. “Pretend we’re boyfriends and you see me from down the hall?”
His hands were at my hips and he was looking up at me, eyes wide and brow furrowed like he actually thought I might say no to him.
“Turn around,” I whispered, nudging his shoulder.
He turned to face his locker and I retreated a few steps, as if I were coming down the hallway. I slid behind Felix and wrapped him in my arms, kissing the side of his neck.
“Morning, sweetheart,” I whispered. “Been looking for you since first bell.”
“Hi,” he said, turning and throwing his arms around me. “You found me.”
I kissed his lips, tipping his head back and flicking my tongue against his. He moaned and deepened the kiss and his shoulders hit the locker.
“We’re gonna be late for next period,” I said, tugging lightly on his hair. He let me ease off and rested his forehead on my collarbone. He nodded reluctantly and we made our way down the dark hallway.
“Best retroactive first kiss ever,” he said, taking my hand.
“Me too,” I agreed.
Felix strode off down the hall, trailing me behind him, but as we reached the stairwell I tugged on his hand and drew him back.
“Felix, I—”
I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to tell him. Too many things. I wanted to tell him that I would have been lucky to get to kiss him at his locker when I was in high school. That I would kiss him anywhere, anytime, any way he wanted, and all he ever had to do was ask. That I would do anything to see him happy. Anything.
He put his hands on my chest.
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head.
“I kissed my girlfriend. At her locker. In high school.” I hadn’t thought about Naomi in years. She’d been kind to me at a time when I needed kindness, but it hadn’t been enough. “I wish…” I traced the line of his nose and cheekbone with my finger. “I wish it could have been you.”
Chapter 16
Felix
When we got home after the play, Sofia was waiting for us in the living room. It looked like she’d been crying.
“I’m so sorry,” she said the second we walked in. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t believe her.” She shook her head, looking lost. “I couldn’t believe that here…anyone would…”
I went to her and wrapped her up in a hug.
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
Adrian snorted.
“It’s completely her fault,” he said. But we all knew he wasn’t upset, just being a dick as always.
When I let go of Sof, Mom took my place and hugged her close, stroking her hair. She whispered something I couldn’t hear, but it seemed to make Sofia feel better. After a few minutes, Coco came downstairs and we fell into conversation.
Dane was quiet, the way he often was around other people, but unlike usual, he seemed tense. He said nothing as Adrian asked Coco and Sofia dozens of questions about Riven, rock star life, and Theo Decker. Even Ramona couldn’t resist asking about the tour. At first I thought he was bored, but the set of his shoulders that never relaxed and the straightness of his spine that never softened said he was nervous.
I slid a hand to the small of his back and he immediately curled an arm over my shoulders, pulling me up against him. At his movement, Mom looked toward us and smiled. Dane started to pull his arm away, so I grabbed it. But although he kept his arm around me, he didn’t relax.
After an hour or so we all drifted upstairs to go to bed, Ramona with Coco and Sofia, Adrian with Dane and me.
“So you guys’ll take the bunk beds, right?” Adrian said with a wink. The thought of Dane in a twin-sized bunk bed was ridiculous but amusing. He stood next to the wall as if trying to make himself seem as small as possible.
“Why don’t you use the bathroom first,” I told Adrian.
“I don’t need—”
“Go to the bathroom.”
When we were alone, I turned to Dane.
“So, uh. This isn’t the most romantic situation, I guess. Sorry.”
“Don’t need romance,” he said.
“Then what’s up? You’re all…frozen.”
He blinked fast, looking at the ground.
“Overloaded?” I asked when he said nothing.
He gave one jerky nod.
“Too much family?”
“Keep waiting for your mom to ask me shit. Keep waiting for when I’ll have to tell her about me.”
“About…what, exactly?”
He shrugged one massive shoulder.
“Being an addict, I guess.”
“Oh. Um.” I bit my lip, realizing I might have fucked up. “She already knows. I’m really sorry. Should I…I should have asked you first. Shit, of course I should have. I didn’t think about it. I’m so sorry.”
