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Rex kisses my closed eyes.
“I know,” he says softly.
“Sorry,” I murmur. He deserves so much better.
“No,” he says. “We’ll just figure it out. Together. Can’t say I’m such an expert either.”
I open my eyes and look at him. I know he loved his mom. I know he must have loved Jamie. And Will? I’m not sure.
“No?” I say.
“No.”
He kisses me and I stare at him. Can it really be this easy? Can you really just love someone and go about your daily business? How do you hold it all inside?
“What are you thinking about so hard?” Rex asks.
And maybe that’s the point. Maybe the point of I love you is that it is a tether. A connection so you can find your way back to someone even when shit seems huge and unmanageable on your own. A promise to help just because you care about someone, a promise to help that doesn’t mean pulling away.
There’s a little warm flame above my stomach but below my throat. It’s been there for a while, I think, but I didn’t notice. Everything with my dad and Philly and Colin and the Temple job got in the way, so I forgot about it. But last night, it roared back to life. Okay, so maybe I don’t know how to do this. But I can learn. I didn’t know how to be a student once, either, but I learned. I didn’t know how to teach, but I learned. I dug in and watched other people and I learned. Not just how to do it, but how to do it well. And I can learn this too.
I smile at Rex.
“I was just a little scared,” I admit. “But I’m okay, I think.”
He cocks his head a little, but he seems to get that I’m just working shit out.
“See?” he says. “Brave.”
I push him back into the pillows and kiss him. There’s a type of joy bubbling under my skin that I’ve never felt before. It’s light and hopeful and a little cautious, but it’s there.
We kiss for what feels like hours, mouths meeting and parting exquisitely, tongues tangling together passionately, then turning sweet. We just kiss and, after a while, every touch of Rex’s mouth is like a touch to my whole body. I feel electrified, so shaky with warm pleasure that I can’t imagine what I would do if Rex stopped kissing me.
He manages to get my clothes and his underwear off while barely breaking the kiss. My hands move over his face, his neck, and down to his broad shoulders and strong arms. I’m on top of him, but I feel weightless, like his touch is the only thing anchoring me to the bed, the room, the earth.
I’m dizzy and my mouth feels swollen when Rex finally pulls away. His eyes are sleepy with pleasure and his mouth is puffy. When he backs off, I can feel how raw my mouth and chin are from his stubble. Not distracted by his kisses anymore, I can also feel that we’re both rock hard, our erections caught between us.
I wrap my arms around Rex’s shoulders and kiss his throat and I can feel his cock jerk against my stomach. I push Rex’s thighs open on the bed and grind my hips into his. He groans, brokenly, and his arms come around me.
Flipping us like my hold on him was nothing, he pushes me into the bed, breathing hard. He shakes his head, as if to clear it, and leans down, hovering over me, and kisses me once more, just a press of swollen mouths.
“I love you, Daniel,” he says. “I love you and I want you so bad.”
His words send a wash of heat through my chest and a pulse of arousal through my groin. My hips strain upward to meet his, but he slides down the bed and rolls my hips up off the blanket, slinging my legs over his shoulders in one effortless motion.
“Fuck, I want you,” he says, and then his mouth is on me. He licks my straining hardness from base to tip and I can feel his moan against my skin. When his mouth closes around me it’s like I’m suspended in a bubble of pleasure so exquisite I can’t move for fear it will pop. He holds me in his mouth and swallows around the tip of my erection and I cry out, writhing on the bed.
Rex rolls my hips farther back, exposing my ass to his mouth, and he licks into me.
“Oh fuck,” I cry, the sensation so sudden that at first I try to get away.
But Rex’s grip on my hips, his big hands spreading me open, are undeniable.
He relaxes my clenching opening with his soft tongue, and it’s a sensation I’ll never get used to. How can something so soft feel this powerfully good? I’m totally helpless under his touch, my breath coming in gasps as he opens me and slides his tongue inside.
