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A smile spreads across his lips as he sits up. Then he reaches over and places two fingers on top of my shirt, where my heart is. My heartbeat is so quick now and his smile widens as he watches my pulse transfer to his fingertips.
“You see the good in people, Hana.” He pulls his hand away a moment later. “But I assume Ryan didn’t tell you about the years I spent trying to be his friend when all he did was think of ways to make my life hell.”
“How did he do that?”
Ash spreads his arms and gestured to the inside of his truck. “It’s easy when you’re the poor kid.”
His words tear through me and rip my heartstrings into pieces. Ash’s face holds the same sincerity it had the day his brother returned from the hospital. I know he’s serious. Looking back on it, Ash never seems to hate Ryan as much as Ryan hates Ash.
“I guess it’s only fitting that he would try to take the girl of my dreams away from me. That is, after all, a great way to ruin my happiness.” He yawns and stares at me through sleepy eyes. So now I am the girl of his dreams? Then why am I not his girlfriend?
“If I was the girl of your dreams, then you would have asked me out by now.” I cross my arms and wait for him to beg and grovel for forgiveness.
“I am not like Ryan,” he says, looking straight into my eyes. “If you want a guy like Ryan then you will forever be disappointed with a guy like me.”
“I want a guy like you,” I say. “I only went out with Ryan because it was obvious you weren’t interested in me.”
This amuses Ash and the half-smile he always wears when watching me talk becomes a full-faced grin.
“You’re amazing, Hana.” He throws his head back and sighs, staring at the ceiling. “It just hasn’t been the right timing.” He leans in like he wants to put his arm around me but doesn’t. “And I was waiting for the perfect timing.”
I sigh. Girls are supposed to be complicated, not guys. Ash is making everything so difficult. “When will that be? As far as I’m concerned, it’s always perfect timing.”
“I was thinking maybe after I win the Nationals…” He trails off, letting his thoughts consume him. The mention of Nationals makes anger I didn’t know I had boil up inside of me, begging to be unleashed. I take off my seat belt and throw open the door.
“God Ash, is everything about motocross?” I snap.
His eyes fly open and he makes an effort to grab my hand before I’m out of the truck but he isn’t fast enough. I stand next to the door and yell, as loudly as I can without waking up my parents, “You haven’t even practiced in weeks so what makes you think you can win? Ryan is really good.”
I slam the door and watch his face twist in the moonlight. I hurt him but they are words he needed to hear. He is delusional if he thinks he can win without practice.
Even the birds outside are silent. I stand here, letting the humid air between us thicken with each second. Not wanting to leave, and not wanting to end the night like this, I finally say something. “How are you supposed to ask me out when you can’t win?”
“Geez Hana, is everything about motocross?” Ash asks in a near whisper. Yes, I realize. Everything is about motocross. And as I stand in my driveway watching Ash’s heart resting on his sleeve, I know I have already jeopardized his chances of winning the race more than he had by not practicing.
I stare at my feet. My purple toe polish is chipped. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts him. “I told Ryan the secret track changes.”
“What?” Ash’s voice cracks. He takes a deep breath and rubs his heavy eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I stutter, “He tricked me, I swear.” I lean into the truck window. “Come inside and I’ll explain. I’ll tell you the secret too.”
He holds up his hand. “There is no way I’ll let your dad see you come home with me when you left with Ryan.”
“Then at least let me tell you the secret,” I say. Ash needs to know so he will have a fighting chance with Ryan tomorrow.
“Absolutely not.”
“Please,” I plead. Warm teardrops gather in the corners of my eyes. I will never forgive myself for telling Ryan the secret.
“I don’t need to cheat to win,” he says through clenched teeth. His face is cold, something I have never seen throughout the entire summer of getting to know him.
Defeated, I turn and take the first step toward my house. It’s a long walk before I would reach the front door and every step makes me wish Ash will call my name and stop me from leaving on terms like this.
A moment later, he does. He isn’t going to let me walk away after all. I walk in front of the glare from his headlights to his side of the truck, anxious for whatever he’s about to say. He steps out and we stand here, awkward but content with being together. He cups my face in his hands – they smell like engine grease.
The night is black and we are so far from the big cities that every star in the sky glimmers like a diamond. The moonlight reflects in his eyes and lips, illuminating the sorrow they hold. I can’t bring myself to look at him, knowing I caused the pain behind his eyes, so I keep mine closed and listen as he talks.
“I don’t need practice or cheats. I know how to ride and I know you don’t think so, but I will win the race tomorrow.” He lifts my face so our eyes meet. “And if I win the race, then I’m sure I’ll win the girl too.” He smiles and kisses my forehead. The feel of his lips should send tingles down my spine. I should go weak in the knees and swoon over every word he says. But he doesn’t have that effect on me because I had heard the same thing before only hours ago – from Ryan.
