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Was that a speeding fine?‘
No.‘ The engine fired with an almighty shudder. An autograph—and the promise of some tickets for the grandstand in Monaco.‘
The next moment the throb of the Campano‘s engine was almost drowned out by the rising note of the siren starting up. Kate whipped her head round in time to see the police car pull past them and accelerate away. As Cristiano followed, the procession of commuters heading into Lyon, and the holiday-makers with cars laden down with skis and luggage, moved aside to let them past.
They covered the remaining distance quickly, but the wail of the police siren made coherent thought difficult and conversation impossible. That was probably a good thing, Kate told herself, staring straight ahead with aching eyes. What was there to say now?
At the turn-off to the airport the policeman gave a gloved salute through his lowered window and the car fell away, although the sound of the siren still echoed around Kate‘s head. Avoiding the queues of cars waiting to get into the main terminal car park, Cristiano took a deserted service road, the roar of the Campano‘s engine echoing off the warehouses and hangars on either side as they sped towards a high fence topped with barbed wire.
Security guards carrying radios leapt forward to open gates set into the fence. Beyond them, on the tarmac, a small plane waited. Kate felt her chest tighten as if concrete were setting in her lungs as Cristiano drove up to it.
He switched off the engine.
The silence rushed in on her, flooding her head. It was like being underwater. The moment had come to leave him, and there was so much she still had to say. But no time to say it. No words.
This is it.‘
Cristiano‘s voice was cool and grave. For a few seconds they both sat motionless, not looking at each other. Kate opened her mouth to speak, but then he was opening the door, getting out, and it was too late.
With stiff fingers she fumbled ineffectually at the doorhandle. She felt paralysed, torn between her desperate need to get to Alexander and her sudden horror at the prospect of leaving Cristiano. Coming around to her side of the car, he opened the door and stood back for her to get out. She did so awkwardly, swaying slightly as she stood up so that he had to grasp her shoulders to steady her.
He let her go quickly. His face was blank, but in that second as the wind caught his hair it was painfully like Alexander‘s.
Kate stifled a sob.
Time to go,‘ he said flatly. A steward was coming down the steps of the plane towards them.
Can I have your number?‘ she said desperately. I need to see you again, to talk…‘
Cristiano took a step backwards. His expression was glacial, haughty, his jaw set hard. He didn‘t have to say anything. Everything about him screamed keep away‘.
I don‘t think that‘s a good idea.‘ He nodded almost imperceptibly at the steward to take her bag from the car. His eyes were dark slits in his hard face. It‘s over, Kate.‘
The words sliced into her like razorblades, reducing her faith and hope and her memories of that other goodbye—the one four years ago, when he had told her to wait for him—to bleeding ribbons. Somehow she made it to the steps of the plane without looking back, and it was only as it rose into the leaden sky ten minutes later that the tears started to fall.
Closure—that was what Dominic had told her she needed.
And that was exactly what she had got.
Chapter Eight
MENINGITIS is a nasty illness, but the most crucial thing in fighting it successfully is early diagnosis.‘
From across the desk, the sister of the children‘s ward smiled kindly. Kate felt she ought to smile back, or give some kind of reply, but it was taking all her strength just to sit there without howling. Fixing her gaze on the collection of cartoon character badges pinned to the front of Sister Watson‘s navy blue uniform, Kate tried to concentrate on what she was saying.
Alex has been very lucky. Thanks to the prompt actions of Mr and Mrs Hill we were able to perform a lumbar puncture and find out what strain of the disease your son has before it got too much of a grip. We‘ve started him on a course of intravenous antibiotics and he seems to be responding well. We should begin to notice an improvement in his condition over the next twenty-four hours.‘
The cheerful matter-of-factness of her tone seemed to belong to another situation altogether. In Kate‘s shocked, grief-numbed mind it seemed to be entirely inappropriate in view of the fact that Alexander was lying in a small room down the corridor, with tubes coming out of his arms and nose, surrounded by machines.
That‘s good,‘ Kate responded weakly.
Of course it is.‘ Sister Watson beamed. Her hair was scraped back from a plump, slightly shiny face. Alex is a very strong little boy, Mrs Edwards. He must get that from you.‘
She was trying to be kind. Encouraging. Positive. It would be rude to tell her how wrong she was, or to snap that he wasn‘t called Alex. He was Alexander—like Alessandro. Cristiano‘s middle name.
Not from me. From his f-father.‘
A wave of clammy nausea washed over her as she wondered where Cristiano was now, and what he was doing. Sister Watson stood up briskly, signalling that the conversation was over and that she had more important things to do than get involved with the personal dramas of feckless single mothers who left their sick children and disappeared abroad.
Well, whoever it comes from, it‘s a very good thing,‘ she said firmly, bustling round the desk to open the door and guide Kate out. He‘s not out of the woods yet, but there‘s every sign that he‘s on the way. And having Mum with him is going to make all the difference. I‘m sure he‘ll come on in leaps and bounds now you‘re here.‘
Kate‘s boots squeaked on the green linoleum as she walked along the corridor to Alexander‘s room. From the walls the painted eyes of the Little Mermaid and various implausible-looking sea creatures seemed to follow her, wide with silent reproach.
Dominic got to his feet from the chair beside Alexander‘s bed as she went in.
What did she say?‘
That I‘m a neglectful mother and if I‘d been here earlier he would be much better by now.‘
Kate, don‘t.‘ Dominic sighed.
OK, so maybe she didn‘t say that exactly.‘ Kate walked over to the bed, her heart lurching sickeningly as she tried to find a place on Alexander‘s body where she could touch him without disturbing the jungle of tubes and wires. I don‘t know what she said. Stuff. Words. ¯Responding well…not out of the woods…?
What do those things mean, Dominic? He looks so…‘ Her voice cracked. So…ill‘
Hey.‘ Dominic came round the bed and put his arm around her rigid shoulders. It‘s just the machines and things, lovey. He‘s doing really well. Just look how peacefully he‘s sleeping.‘
He didn‘t add that Alexander had been screaming the place down earlier, and that it had taken a doctor and three nurses to carry out the lumbar puncture, or that the peaceful sleep was partly due to the morphine drip in his arm. He was shocked by how terrible Kate looked. The doctors seemed to think that Alexander would get through this and recover fully, but Dominic wasn‘t so sure that the same could be said of Kate. In that black dress, with her ashen face and the deep shadows beneath her eyes, she looked as if someone had already died.
When did it start?‘ she rasped through dry lips. How did it happen?‘
Dominic sighed, going over to the window. Just like I told you,‘ he said wearily. He wasn‘t his usual self when he woke up yesterday morning, but we thought it might just be because he was missing you. But then he said he had a headache, and Lizzie noticed that he had a temperature. We gave him paracetamol, and he perked up a bit, but by bedtime he seemed to be worse again. It was Lizzie‘s idea to ring the doctor.‘
I tried to phone.‘ Kate closed her eyes in pain as she had a sudden flashback to the kitchen in the chalet, standing at the window watching Cristiano chopping logs, the phone ringing in her hand. I tried to phone last night just to check that everything was OK, but there was no reply.‘
We didn‘t want to lie to you, but we didn‘t want to worry you for nothing either. I‘m so sorry, Kate, I should have—‘
He broke off, rubbing a hand over his face, and for the first time Kate was jerked outside of her own misery enough to notice how tired he looked. His kind, familiar face was pale and unshaven, his hair sticking up where he‘d repeatedly run his fingers through it.
Guilt ripped through her.
Oh, God, Dominic, I‘m so sorry,‘ she moaned, carefully withdrawing her hand from Alexander through the tangle of equipment and going over to where Dominic stood. You and Lizzie have been so good—to have him for me and to go through all this. I can never thank you enough for looking after him and knowing what to do.‘ She dropped her head. It‘s me I‘m angry with. I should never have gone.‘
