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Alexander‘s head was drooping with tiredness, but he snapped back into full consciousness as Cristiano pulled up outside the house. Blinking, he looked around him.
Home?‘
Yes, home,‘ Kate said, undoing her seatbelt and trying desperately to sound normal. And it‘s bedtime for you. Come on, let‘s get you inside and brush your teeth.‘
As she leaned awkwardly into the back of the car to undo the straps on his car seat her fingers tangled with Cristiano‘s, leaning in from the other side to scoop him up and carry him inside. Electricity crackled between them.
Cristiano gathered his son‘s small body into his arms, silently praying for the ache of his arousal to subside. Dio, he had never wanted a woman so much, for so long.
He‘d known immediately that having a child would affect his life profoundly, in lots if different ways, but the impact on his libido wasn‘t something he‘d anticipated, he thought with rueful amusement as he carried his small son into the house. He‘d been used to having sex pretty much whenever his appetite demanded. This protracted craving was new to him, and it was as exquisite as it was excruciating.
Being near to Kate and not being able to touch her had driven him nearly to distraction. The most ordinary things seemed to take on extraordinary sensual significance—the way she‘d smoothed her hair behind her ear when she was bending over to feed Alexander a morsel of lobster at dinner, the glimpse of a pale pink bra-strap against her creamy skin as she‘d sat back, sipping wine, with the glow of the fire reflected in her eyes.
He wanted to peel off her clothes and examine the body that had carried his child. He wanted to cup her breasts that had fed his son in his hands and stroke them. He wanted to make her his again.
He reached the top of the stairs, ducking his head to avoid knocking himself out. Three doors opened off the landing, but Cristiano could tell which one was Alexander‘s room because it had a wooden plaque in the shape of a car with a letter A on it. The house was so small that he‘d have to make love to Kate very, very quietly later on…
Not tired,‘ said Alexander firmly as Cristiano pushed open the bedroom door with his shoulder. Want a story. Want Cristiano to read me a story.‘
Maledizione o ostia.
He hadn‘t even seen it coming. Carefully keeping his expression blank, he put his son down on the bed and switched on the lamp. Soft light illuminated a small room in which everything from the bedlinen to the frieze painted around the top of the walls was a homage to cars.
Kate appeared in the doorway behind him. Her voice was hushed and soothing.
Come on, sweetheart. Pyjamas, then teeth.‘
Diving under the pillow, Alexander pulled out a pair of soft blue pyjamas, unsurprisingly featuring a picture of a racing car on the front. Tucking them under his arm, he raced out of the room.
Left alone, Cristiano stood in the centre of the room. His heart was thudding and the palms of his hands were suddenly slick with sweat. A tall bookcase stood behind the door, crammed full with books—serious-looking ones, with gold-embossed spines, mixed in with millions of slim, brightly coloured ones.
He should have anticipated this. How could he have been so stupid?
That was easy, he thought with an inward laugh of bitter despair. Hadn‘t he always been stupid? For the last twenty years he‘d put everything he had into running away, trying desperately to prove that he was something other than the worthless failure he had been labelled by the teachers at school and by his disappointed mother. But this tiny room, with the frayed carpet and the line of toy cars on the windowsill, was where his demons had caught up with him at last.
Where he finally had to admit that there was nowhere left to run.
Alexander came in again. He was wearing his pyjamas and his face was scrubbed clean of chocolate ice cream. As he climbed into bed he looked unbearably small and sweet. Looking down, Cristiano could see the hollow at the nape of his fragile neck, the bumps of his spine. His heart felt as if it was splitting open.
His child.
His son.
Alexander looked up at him with liquid brown eyes that were full of trust.
Please can you read me a story?‘
I—‘
The words dried up in his mouth. Cristiano thrust his hand through his hair.
He felt slightly faint.
No story tonight.‘ Kate‘s voice was firm as she crossed the room, bending swiftly to turn out the light and give Alexander a kiss. It‘s late, and you‘re tired, but if you lie down I‘m sure Cristiano will talk to you for a little while about the racing cars he drives.‘
Si. Of course.‘
As Kate walked past him to leave the room she glanced up at him. In the half-light from the landing his face bore an expression that was somewhere between relief and despair.
I love you, Cristiano.‘
I love you too. Ti amo, piccolino.‘
Pulling the door shut gently behind him, Cristiano stood out on the landing.
Leaning against the wall, he exhaled heavily, despair weighing on him like a curse.
I love you.
He had never said those words before. He wasn‘t even sure that he had felt them before—not in the fierce, primitive way he had felt them just now, when he had bent to kiss his son‘s cheek. The impact of what it meant to be a father had hit him with the force of an avalanche, and he knew that he would do anything— anything—for his child.
If he could.
But what about the things he couldn‘t do? What about those? Could he really be a good father? Or was it just another thing that he was destined to fail at? Was he going to let his son down in the same way as his mother?
He had got away with it tonight, thanks to Kate‘s lucky intervention. But how long could he hide it? How long could he go on fooling her that he was something he wasn‘t?
A shaft of light fell across the dark landing, and suddenly a shadow moved across it. He watched her move, watched the outline of her body perform its silent shadow-dance across the floor, and his spiralling thoughts stilled.
Arousal hardened him, temporarily blotting out the bitterness and the doubts.
A floorboard creaked as he moved across the floor, and the shadow twisted and undulated as she came to the door. And then he forgot about the flat monochrome outline of her because she was there in front of him, the lamplight turning her skin to warm honey and her hair to molten gold.
All right?‘
Wordlessly he nodded, a lump in his throat. Suddenly he wanted to tell her—wanted to spill it all out and lay himself bare before her.
Cristiano…I—‘ Her voice vibrated with an emotion he couldn‘t quite identify, but which seemed to reach down and touch him inside like ethereal fingers. In his state of heightened, painful arousal it was almost more than he could bear.
And he knew that at that moment he didn‘t want to talk. Didn‘t want to think. He just wanted to lose himself in her sweetness. Crossing the landing in one stride, he pulled her into his arms, pushing the door shut as he pressed his mouth down on hers. Her body was warm, her mouth as eager as his. With hungry, hurried fingers she pulled his shirt free of his trousers, sliding her hands up his chest, moaning her pleasure against him.
Swiftly he undid the button of her jeans, pulling them downwards along with her underwear as they both fell back onto the bed. The springs gave a screech of protest that made both of them freeze for a moment, clinging together as they listened for sounds from outside.
None came. But the interruption had altered the tempo of their passion. For long moments they gazed at each other before their lips slowly met again, hesitantly exploring, tasting, caressing. Rising above her, Cristiano unhurriedly trailed the tip of his tongue down the sweep of her throat. Her skin tasted faintly of the sea. She let her head fall back and he could hear her uneven breathing as he reached the neck of her T-shirt.
Gently he took hold of the hem, bringing it up over her head, his head reeling as her beautiful body was revealed. Her breasts were spilling out of the pink bra, so he slid his arms around her, pulling her against him as he unhooked it.
He had to clamp his teeth together to stop himself shouting out as he felt her warm, lovely flesh against his chest. Trailing his fingertips across her back, he lowered his head so that his lips hovered over one rose-tipped breast.
Time stalled.
Dio…Mio Dio… She was so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful. Opening his mouth, he let out a deep, shuddering sigh, watching her flesh tighten and harden as his breath caressed it. His whole body burned with the need to sink inside her, but he held back, forcing himself to take it slowly as he covered her breast in whisper-soft butterfly kisses, gradually moving his lips inwards towards her nipple.
She gave a whimpering gasp, raising her hands to cover her mouth. Cristiano felt wild, visceral satisfaction surge though him as her body tensed with pleasure.
Her pleasure, her happiness, were the only things in the world that mattered.
But then she was gripping his shoulders, pulling him away. He raised his head, his head swimming with lust.
Kate?‘
I want to see you,‘ she breathed brokenly. I want to feel your body against me and I want to look into your eyes.‘
