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“Well, did you work it out with your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, we broke up.” I try to act like it means nothing to me but I’m sure she’ll be able to see through that.
Her eyes are relentless in the way they try to read my soul. The feeling of vulnerability I have in her presence is unnerving and I’m just as desperate to escape her as I was weeks ago. Finally, she says, “You didn’t figure it out, did you? Or maybe you did, and it was too much for you to admit.”
Fuck.
What is your greatest fear?
I hurriedly drink the rest of my coffee and stand. “I would say it was nice to see you again, but I’d be lying,” I mutter as I take the first step away from her.
“You can run all you like, Jett, but the one person you can never hide from is yourself. Eventually, it will all catch up with you and you’ll realise how lonely and unhappy you are on your own. Don’t let your greatest fear hold you back from having everything you want in life.”
I keep walking and ignore the shit she is trying to preach at me. Jesus, where do people get off thinking they can try and tell you how to live your life?
Thank fuck today was my last day at this studio.
I’m never coming back here again.
* * *
“Claudia would want you to have this,” Mum says, holding up the vase I gave Claudia for her last birthday.
Frowning, I ask, “What the hell am I gonna do with a vase?” My apartment is hardly filled with flowers, and my decision to sell it means I would have even less use for a vase.
Sadness covers Mum’s face and she puts the vase down and gives me a long look. “Are you really leaving tomorrow? And never coming back?” I hate the pain I can hear in her voice.
I sit next to her on Claudia’s couch. We’ve started going through her belongings and Mum’s struggling with it to the point I’m beginning to think we need to put it on hold. Luckily, Claudia lived in my parents’ granny flat so we have the luxury of being able to take all the time in the world. “I’m sorry I’m leaving, Mum, but it’s too damn hard to stay here at the moment. Everywhere I go, I see her and think of her, and I need a break from that while I try to get a grip on the fact she’s never coming back.”
Her eyes tear up. “I understand that, Jett, but you don’t have to sell your apartment to do that.”
“Just because I sell the apartment doesn’t mean I won’t come back and buy something else. I’ve been wanting a change for awhile now so this is as good a time as any to do that.”
“It just feels like you’re getting rid of everything in your life…” Her voice trails off, confusing me.
“What else am I getting rid of?”
She watches me quietly for a beat. “Presley.”
Her name causes my heart rate to speed up.
Every fucking time I hear it.
&nbs
p; I stand and walk to the window. Staring out of it for a couple of minutes, I think about what she’s said. Finally, I turn back to her. “I can’t do it, Mum,” I whisper, unable to force my voice out.
“Can’t do what?”
My heart leaps into my throat as I finally decide to admit my greatest fear. “I can’t let her in… what if I lose her, too?”
Mum’s tears course down her face and she comes to me and puts her arms around me. “You can’t live your life that way, Jett. I don’t want that for you.” She hugs me for a long time and I give in to it; I let her mother me.
When she lets me go, she searches my face and then says, “Presley was good for you. I’ve never seen you so happy, not even from your music.”
“Well, it’s all fucked now,” I admit as the dark cloud of regret threatens to swallow me.
Mum shakes her head. “No, don’t ever say that. Even when everything seems lost, there’s always a way.” Her voice is so forceful and it stuns me she can feel this way even after losing Claudia.
