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“Yeah, club stuff.”
“Well, what about if you took me over?”
He’s quiet for a moment. “This is important to you?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I honestly don’t know. All I know is I have this need to see Maddox and make sure he’s okay.”
“He’s okay. I’ve got Memphis keeping an eye on him.”
“It’s not the same, Winter,” I say softly. “I want to see him for myself.”
He thinks about that before saying, “Okay. I’ll be back at the clubhouse in about ten minutes. Wait for me there and I’ll take you over.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
I head inside and potter around the kitchen while waiting for him to return. God knows how, but these men make a mess. I think I need to pop in every day again and help keep the place clean like I used to.
“Birdie.” Winter’s deep voice cuts through my thoughts.
I turn to find him in the doorway watching me. “Hey, you. I’ll just grab my bag.”
Five minutes later, we’re on our way.
I look at Winter. “Are you okay? You look tense.”
He glances at me, his face lined with the burden he’s carrying. “We’ve got stuff going on in Brisbane. I’m going to have to take a trip up there. I’m worried about leaving you alone here.”
My tummy knots with anxiety. Not for myself, but for Winter. After eight years of this, though, I’ve learned to keep the worry under control. Well, enough so it doesn’t impact my day-to-day living. Now it just keeps me on edge whenever I know he’s in danger, which lately happens to be all the time.
“You’ve got someone watching me, and I always take precautions. I’ll be okay. I’m more worried for you.”
He takes hold of my hand, his touch whispering his love. I squeeze his hand as he says, “Don’t worry
about me. Just promise me you’ll stay alert at all times.”
“I promise.” Fuck, now he’s really worrying me. If things are bad enough for him to be this concerned for me, I’m convinced he’s in more danger than I thought.
Lady balls, Birdie.
Strap in for the ride.
Deep fucking breaths.
He turns silent, and because I need to take my mind off what we were talking about, I say, “Mum called me today about Christmas.” My mother is a Christmas freak and starts making plans for next Christmas on Boxing Day. “She wants to know our plans.”
“I’m not sure if I’ll get much time off this year, angel.” His voice is filled with regret; Winter knows how much Christmas means to Mum and me. Christmas is hard for him, because he lost some men at Christmas years ago due to a club war, but he always does his best to make sure we enjoy the season. This year, though, will be our first one without Max, so that’s going to be hard for him, too.
“Maybe we should stay home, just the two of us this year.” I want to wrap him in love this year and help ease the pain I know he’s going to feel.
“Fuck no. We’re going to your mum’s. It just may be for a short time.”
I squeeze his hand again. “Okay, baby. We’ll finalise it closer to the time. I’ll let Mum know.” I pause, trying to figure out how to say what I want to say. “This’ll be our first year without Max. How are you feeling about that?”
He lets go of my hand and I see him shut down on me. We talked about Max a lot right after his death, but since then, and especially since my miscarriage, we don’t talk about Max much at all. Winter doesn’t seem to want to. “I haven’t had time to think about it.” His voice is gruff; his words final. It’s his way of letting me know this conversation is finished.
