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He laughed. “That’s one way to gauge it.”
My brows rose. “How else would you gauge it, dude?”
“The lack of alcohol there, for one.”
“Well, there is that, too, but I could have lived with that if there had been at least one hot chick, but there wasn’t even that.”
He turned silent and I moved my head from the wall to see what he was doing. Jeremy had been off all week and tonight his mood had shifted into something else again and I struggled to pick it. “What’s up, man? You’ve been acting strange all week.”
His body tensed but then he sat up and stared at me. The light from outside splashed across the room and I could make out the strain on his face and the rigid set of his shoulders. “Do you have secrets, Kick?” he asked, his voice heavy with burden.
“Jesus, man, we all have secrets. What the fuck’s going on?”
The moment stretched before us, long and deathly silent. Whatever the hell he had on his mind was eating him up. I’d never seen Jeremy so troubled. Usually, he was the kind of guy who was confident and not fearful of anything.
Finally, he spoke. “I’m gay.”
I stared at my best friend, taking in the torment he obviously felt over this revelation and hating that he felt that way. Hating that society made him feel that way. “I know,” I said softly.
His eyes widened but he didn’t say anything.
“I’ve known you for six years, dude, and for half of that time I’ve figured you were gay.” I shrugged. “So?”
Anger clouded his face. “So? Do you have any idea how fucking big this is?”
“It’s not big to me. Like, if you thought it would affect our friendship, it won’t.”
He sat and stared at me, and I couldn’t work out the thoughts running through his mind. When he eventually blew out a long breath, he said, “Fuck, I never knew you knew.”
I took another long drag of the joint and then passed it to him. After I blew out the smoke, I asked, “Did you really think I wouldn’t support you?”
“I didn’t know, but I should have.”
“Yeah, man, you should have. I’ve always had your back and I always fucking will.”
“Shit, Kick . . . yeah, I know.”
I eyed him, curious about something. “Does Evie know?”
He shook his head. “No, you’re the only person I’ve told.”
“You should tell her. She won’t care, either.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, his hands fidgeting after he passed me back the joint.
“What for?”
“For always being there for me. You’ve never let me down,” he said, his voice uneven and his eyes showing me how much this shit was affecting him.
“Well, for the record, if anyone gives you any fucking grief over this, they’ll have me to deal with. So you like to suck cock. Who the fuck gives a shit?”
He stared at me in shock for a minute and then he grinned and shook his head. “Fuck, Kick . . .”
“It’s true, dude, and I’m okay with that, but don’t ever fucking ask me to suck your dick, ‘cause it’s never gonna fucking happen. I’m all for pussy.”
“I wish I’d told you sooner.”
I nodded. “Yeah, me too, ‘cause I’ve been wondering. You got any fucking idea how hard it is to think about your best friend being gay without thinking about cock? Thank fuck cock will never have to enter my mind again.” He laughed and I muttered, “Not funny, man. This is serious shit right here.”
