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hing. He’d given us a guy’s name, said the guy could probably help us. King had been adamant he wanted to be present if we found someone who might squeal, so we’d called it in to him and he’d told me to be ready today to drag information out of the asshole. I was more than fucking ready to do that.
King wasted no time on small talk. “I’m gonna text you an address. Meet me there in half an hour.” And then he was gone. A moment later, an address came through, and I headed inside to get dressed.
“Charlie,” I called out as I walked the length of the hallway. When she didn’t answer me, I knocked on her closed bedroom door. “I’ve gotta go out for a while. You okay here on your own?” I figured she would be. I just wasn’t sure I would be. My protective instincts were kicking into high gear, and leaving her was the last thing I wanted to do.
She still didn’t answer me, so I knocked loudly a few more times, and when no answer came still, I opened the door without waiting any longer.
I found her lying on her bed, earphones in, eyes closed. Fuck, this was frustrating. She couldn’t fucking hear me and still had no clue I was in the room.
Pulling one of her earphones out, I said, “These things are a pain in my ass. I’ve been calling out to you, trying to get your attention.”
She scrambled into a sitting position as she shot me a filthy look. “I could have been naked! You can’t just barge into my bedroom.”
I ignored the way she referred to this room as her bedroom, and how much I liked that, to instead address what she’d said. “I can barge in if I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while with no response. You stop with the earphones and I’ll stop with the barging in.”
“No one listens to music without earphones. That’s a dumb idea.”
“Suit yourself, but expect me to enter your room if I need you and you don’t hear me.”
Scowling, she muttered, “Screw you.”
I raised a brow. “You care to alter that?”
Eyes steady on mine, she refused to budge. “No.”
She was my daughter all right. The way she held her ground and refused to back down was exactly how I would have handled this situation. But that didn’t mean I would encourage it.
“Charlie, we need to get something straight here. I want you to stay with me, and I want to get to know you and have a relationship with you, but no way am I putting up with you disrespecting me. You wanna tell me to go screw myself, you do that when I can’t hear you.”
Her turn to lift a brow. “Oh, so now you wanna get to know me? Now you wanna be my father?” She moved off the bed and stepped close to me. Her shoulders tensed as she spat out, “You talk about me disrespecting you. Well, how about we talk about the way you disrespected me for the last fourteen years by ignoring me? That kinda felt like a big screw you from you to me.”
And there was the anger I’d been waiting for. It hit me like a tidal wave, causing my chest to constrict with all the guilt I’d been trying to shove away for years, and then some. I deserved everything she said.
“Yeah, I guess it did. The only excuse I have is that I was trying to keep you safe.” Fuck, I wasn’t prepared for this. I should have been. I’d had fourteen fucking years to prepare for it, and yet there I fucking was fumbling for words that would never ease her hurt or adequately tell her how sorry I was.
Her eyes searched mine furiously, looking for what, I wasn’t sure. Short, harsh breaths pumped from her as she worked herself up with more anger. “That’s all you have to say? Really?” She shook her head at me, but she had the kind of look on her face that told me she wasn’t hearing anything she hadn’t expected. “Fuck, I’ve got a father anyway. I didn’t need you.”
With that, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the bedroom while I stared after her processing what she’d said about not needing me.
Who would have thought a child could inflict so much hurt with four words? The pain was instant and deep as fuck. And unlike any pain I’d ever experienced in my life. But I didn’t have time to feel it; I had to go after her and attempt to fix the mess I was making.
“Charlie!” I called out as I followed her out of the house. “I fucked that up. Let me try again.”
She didn’t stop, though. Instead, she picked up the pace and jogged away from the house. I followed suit and eventually caught up to her four houses down the street.
Grabbing her arm, I stopped her and turned her to face me. Almost breathless, she stared at me through tears that streamed down her face. No words came, though. The only thing that sat between us was heartache and misery. We were both hurting, and I had to begin repairing the damage I’d done all those years ago.
Wiping away her tears, I said, “I’m sorry, baby. There’s nothing I can say or do that will make up for all the years I wasn’t there. At the time, I did what I thought was right for everyone. I was young and had no resources to do anything else. But I fucked up. I see that now. I should have tried harder to fix the situation without doing what I did.”
When she didn’t argue with me or attempt to walk away again, I moved closer. I wanted to take her into my arms and wrap her up in them, but it was too soon for that. Even though she lived and breathed in my soul, I wasn’t in hers. She didn’t know me, and she had no reason to trust me. So I gave her the only thing I could. The only thing I thought she might respond to. “I know you have no reason to believe anything I say, but I’m gonna say it anyway. There hasn’t been a day gone by that I haven’t thought of you. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I’ve missed seeing you grow up, but I’ve been watching you and keeping track of everything you’ve done. Don’t think that I didn’t care, because I do. And I’m going to be there for you now, however you need me to be.”
I’d hoped my words would help stop her tears, but they seemed to have the opposite effect. She madly wiped them from her cheeks. “You think that an apology and a promise to do better will magically fix everything, Aiden? You have no fucking idea. Even though I had a dad growing up, I always wondered what it would have been like having my real dad there. I wondered if you’d been there, would we have been like those fathers and daughters who did everything together. Would you have taken me fishing or camping or taught me stuff about cars or shit like that? Dad never really did that stuff with me, and while I’m not sure I would have wanted to do any of it, maybe if you’d been around, you would have taken me.” She paused for a beat before her face twisted and more tears fell. “Just because you say you want to be there for me, doesn’t mean you will be.” Her voice cracked as she uttered those last few words, slicing more guilt through me. Fuck, I’d screwed every-fucking-thing up.
“Give me a chance, Charlie. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t expect you to suddenly trust me or believe in what I say, but let’s take it a day at a time and see where we end up. I’m not fucking around here. I want you in my life more than I’ve wanted anything.” My voice turned gruff and I almost held my breath waiting for her reply. She was everything to me, but I had no idea how to make her understand that.
Her tears slowed as she quietly watched me. Weighing up which way to choose. Something I’d said must have reached her because she finally said, “A day at a time. And I’m not making any promises to you.”
I exhaled and nodded. “Fair enough.”
