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“I’ve been a shitty father. My kid hasn’t seen me since she was two. I left her mother and never went back until recently. That enough to make you think twice about me?” It was like he was trying to provoke me. Trying to throw bad shit about himself at me in an effort to push me away.
I moved so my body was flush against his, and I gripped his waist. “You’ve already told me you aren’t perfect, so no that doesn’t make me think twice about you. I’ve seen you with Charlie, and I think you’re working hard to make things right.”
He hissed, and his muscles under my hand tensed. Curving his hand around my neck, he held me, his fingers digging in to my skin. The small amount of pain that caused coiled desire through me. God, I wanted this man, even if he was a fucked-up mess. “I hurt people, Roe. I fucking inflict pain on them until they give me what I want. I am not a good man,” he said through gritted teeth. His fingers pressed harder into my skin, and I decided right then that I was going to hell, because this only heightened my want for him.
“You don’t hurt people you love.”
“I have.”
That should have stopped me, but it didn’t. “Who?”
He dropped his head and swore sharply, “Fucking hell.” Looking back at me, he yelled, “Everyone! I’ve fucking hurt everyone I’ve ever loved!”
I flinched when he yelled, but at least I’d managed to provoke some emotion from him. Up until then, he’d been holding it back even though I sensed it lurking. The room vibrated with his anger. It snaked around us, a menacing evil that threatened to rip us apart. But I refused to let it.
I pushed him and slapped his chest in my frustration. “Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to push me away?”
I hated that he was so hard on himself. The Hyde I knew wasn’t a bad person. Why couldn’t he see what I saw? Why didn’t he know that everyone hurt those they loved?
His hand snapped around my wrist as he snarled, “I’m doing what you asked, red. I’m sharing myself with you.”
“No! This isn’t sharing. This is you trying to show me all your bad parts at once. That’s not how relationships are built.”
He yanked my wrist closer to his body while still gripping my neck hard. “This is me showing you what you’re getting yourself into,” he barked. “Now’s the time to walk if you don’t think you can handle it.”
My own anger flared. Why was he trying to ruin this before it even got started? I pulled my wrist out of his hold and pushed him again. Harder this time so that he stumbled backwards. “What else have you got for me, then? Tell me your worst, and we’ll see if I stay,” I yelled.
His nostrils flared and his eyes flashed with fury. Before I knew what was happening, he had me around the waist and off my feet while he carried me to the bed. Dumping me on my back, he straddled me, hands pinned either side of my body. He stared down at me with the same level of frustration I felt towards him.
“You’re playing with fucking fire, Monroe. I’m trying to tell you that I will hurt you. I will fuck with you. I will fucking rip your heart out and smash it to pieces. And you’re not fucking listening. But you need to know that’s what I do. I’m a fucking monster.” His chest pumped furiously as he struggled for breath while spewing his toxic words all over the place.
Rage and passion collided in the room around us as we both fought for what we wanted. He wanted me gone; wanted to save me from himself. I wanted him to understand I didn’t love small. When I let him in my life, I chose to accept all the parts of him and to love them equally. And I loved big as fuck. He couldn’t escape it.
I clutched his shirt. “You are not a monster. And I’m not fucking going anywhere. Go ahead, hurt me, fuck with me and rip my heart out. That’s what love is, Hyde. It’s the good with the bad. I can take it. But you better be ready for me to fuck you up, too. Because that’s love. The give and take is where the magic is. I want to bleed with you and cry with you and be slayed with you. And then I want to laugh with you and build a future with you and get wet in my shower with you. You made me fall for you. Now you can man the fuck up and show me why I made the right decision.”
His breaths came hard and fast as he stared down at me. I thought for sure he’d keep arguing, but he didn’t. His lips crushed to mine, and he kissed me like it was the last thing he’d ever get to do on earth. Hyde was an intense man, but this kiss was something else. I could have lost myself in it and happily stayed there forever.
When he finally dragged his mouth from mine, he rasped, “I want you on your hands and knees at the end of this bed, and that ass of yours in the air. And Monroe?”
My fingers squeezed tighter around his shirt. “Yes?”
“I hope you’re ready to take everything I’ve got to give.”
I knew he wasn’t just talking about how he was going to fuck me. His eyes told me that. I nodded. “I am. And one last thing—I don’t want a condom between us anymore. I’m clean.”
He pushed up off the bed so he could stand at the end while I positioned myself where he’d said to. His hands came straight to my ass and ripped my G-string off. He then ran them up my back and around to cup my breasts under my baby-doll.
My back arched, pushing my ass up higher. He groaned at that and moved one hand from my breasts so he could nudge my legs further apart and run his finger through my pussy.
“You’re fucking dripping for me, red.”
I kept my back arched while I also angled my face up. Everything he did felt so damn good. “That’s because you get me so worked up, even when you’re bloody arguing with
me.”
He slid a finger inside me, and I moaned with pleasure. “Next time I won’t argue. I’ll just fuck it out of you.”
I moaned loudly, closing my eyes as he fucked me with his finger. I wasn’t even able to form a reply to what he said. It turned me on way too much, but I didn’t want to encourage him to not discuss shit with me. God, this relationship was one big fucking contradiction. I wanted all the things I shouldn’t.
