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Standing, I muttered, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Holly glanced at me, stifling a laugh. When Mum started talking again, she quickly interjected, “Grandma, how did your date go the other night?”
Smart kid.
She knew the best way to divert the conversation when her grandmother was involved.
As I headed outside to the back patio, Mum called out after me, “I know you’re going for a cigarette.”
Seriously. Could. Throttle. Her.
I made another mental note: find her a man fast. She needed something to focus her attention on rather than my sister and me, and all the problems we apparently had.
After I took my first drag, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted my sister.
* * *
Me: Your mother is slowly killing me.
Brynn: Not my mother today. She’s all yours. And BTW, I’m already dead. She killed me yesterday.
Me: How?
Brynn: She sent me a male prostitute.
* * *
I called her.
“What the fuck, Brynn? Are you kidding me? And why didn’t you call me straight away?”
“Not a word of a lie, big sister. Be prepared. I’m pretty sure your turn is coming since you haven’t had sex in six months. And I didn’t call you because I was dead, remember?” She sighed. “What planet do you think our mother is really from? What kind of mother sends her daughter a fucking prostitute?”
I took a long drag on my smoke. There wasn’t enough nicotine in the world to get me through this morning. “I don’t care if you’re dead, you still need to warn me about these things.” I frowned. “Wait, did you fuck him?”
She laughed. “I thought about it. Instead, I made him play scrabble with me. We took a selfie and I sent it to Mum. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”
I almost choked on my own laughter. “Maybe you and I are the weird ones, babe. I mean, who the hell turns down sex for scrabble?”
“Sex with a prostitute is not the kind of sex I want in my life, thank you very much. But, I do have to confess the dude was hot, and I mean, fucking hot. And on top of that, he’s a pro at scrabble. I asked him for a rematch.”
“Did he say yes?”
“Kind of.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I had to agree to do something with him first.”
“Jesus, stop dragging this out. Just tell me already. What?”
“He wants me to go fishing with him on the weekend.”
This story was getting weirder by the minute. “So let me get this straight—you just met him last night and now you’re suddenly hanging out with each other? I honestly think I’m existing in some alternate universe today.”
“No shit, Lil, we got on so well. Like, he’s so easy going and funny. I wish the guys I dated were this easy to get on with.”
“Is this fishing thing not a date?”
