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“Yeah. And you and I need to finish our conversation from before.”
“We did finish it.”
“No, we didn’t. You told me that you think your mum blames you for your marriage not lasting. She just told me she doesn’t.”
“I can assure you she did tell me that.”
“No, I don’t think she did.”
She stared at me like she couldn’t believe I was disagreeing with her. “Are you kidding me right now? You know what my mother is like.”
“Yeah, and I also know what you’re like. She says one thing and you hear another. And usually that’s because you’re not feeling confident about whatever it is she’s going on about.” I moved closer to her. “I think you’re worried our marriage isn’t going to last. I think you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you failed once, so you’ll fail again. And I need you to know that’s a load of fucking bullshit.”
Her eyes shined with the tears that hadn’t fallen earlier and she swallowed hard. When she spoke, her voice cracked. “It’s not a load of bullshit, King. I did fail at marriage, so it’s not beyond belief that I could fail again.” She gripped my shirt. “I don’t want us to not work out. It would kill me if I lost you.”
&n
bsp; Fuck.
“You’re not going to lose me, Lily. I’m staying right the fuck here. With you. In good times and fucking bad.”
“That’s easy to say now. Before shit gets hard. Trust me, I’ve lived through a shitty marriage, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Some days I felt like I was being crushed by the weight of it. Like I couldn’t breathe.” Her first tear fell as she added on a broken whisper, “Like I didn’t want to breathe.”
“I know that feeling, too. I’ve been there, and I’m telling you right now, hand on my fucking heart, there is no fucking way I’ll allow us to ever get to that point.”
“Because you love me?”
“Yes, because I fucking love you.”
“And what if love isn’t enough, King? What if my neurotic ways and your asshole moods turn out to be too much for us to cope with?”
I grasped her neck, pulling her to me. “I am marrying you and making you mine, and I’m not a man who ever lets go of what is his. You can lose your shit at me, over and over, and I will never let you go. And as for my moods, I’m fairly fucking sure you’re the only person alive who has any chance of telling me to fuck off without fear of suffering consequences. I have no doubt we’ll fight our way through shit, but at the end of the day, I’m committed to you in a way I’ve never been committed to anyone. So just try and leave me, Lily, and you’ll see that divorce is not something in our future.” I bent and kissed her before adding, “I will never give up on this marriage.”
Her hands came to my neck and she grasped it while hooking her leg around my body so she could climb me. I placed a hand under her ass and helped lift her while backing her up against the wall.
I needed her naked and I needed to be inside her.
When I finally thrust inside her, I growled deeply with the relief I felt. Because that’s what being with Lily felt like to me.
She was my respite from the demons clawing me.
She was my comfort, my peace.
If she ever thought I could live without her, she had no fucking idea.
I would choose death over living without her.
6
Lily
I woke to heavy rain Sunday morning. One of my favourite things ever. Especially on a Sunday. I couldn’t think of anything better than spending the morning in bed with King while listening to the rain on the roof.
He’d made good on his promise that I wouldn’t sleep last night. It had been almost 4:00 a.m. by the time he finished with me. The six hours of sleep I’d had since then was nowhere near enough, and I planned to spend most of the day napping on and off before the kids came home just before dinnertime.
“What are you thinking?” King asked as he ran his hand over my naked leg.
I rolled to face him. “That I want to spend all day in bed with you.”
