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And then Luke pulls his lips from mine. He stares at me, his eyes wild with want and his breaths coming hard and fast. He rakes his fingers through his hair and mutters, “Fuck. Sorry.”
My chest rises and falls hard and fast as I try to catch my breath. And my senses.
Before I can form words, he lifts me and deposits me back on the couch. Reaching for his shirt, he pulls it over his head while he stands. His back is to me, and I take in the way his hand rubs the back of his neck. My eyes are drawn to his muscles rippling under his shirt, and I curse under my breath.
He turns back to look at me. His face is filled with as much torment as I am feeling. “I better go before this gets completely out of hand.”
I nod, breathless. My body is still catching up to my mind. It’s begging me to stop him, but I don’t. Instead, I let Luke leave as I wonder how much longer we can go on like this.
If Luke hadn’t stopped us tonight, I don’t think I would have.
16
Luke
“Mummy!”
Sean’s high-pitched scream draws my attention from Callie. Probably a good thing. I’ve taken a few hours off work to spend with her. She came over for pizza, which we finished about an hour ago. We’ve been on the couch talking since then, but all I can think about is last night and how close we came to sex. It’s been just over two weeks since we slept together and I’m fighting like fuck to respect her feelings about sleeping with a married man. I don’t share her reservations because I know my heart hasn’t belonged to Jolene for a long time, but I never want to pressure Callie to do something she’s not comfortable with. Last night was hard, though. I almost fucked it all up.
Pushing off the couch, I say, “I’ll be back. Don’t eat all that chocolate while I’m gone.”
She grins. “Good luck with that, buddy. Me and chocolate have a long-standing love affair that not even you can come between.”
I return her grin. “I bet.”
Making my way through the house, I contemplate the fact Sean is still having nightmares that end with him calling out for his mother. This has been going on for about a year now. It happens less often, but it still happens. When I arrive at his bedroom, he’s thrashing in his bed, crying. My heart constricts with both pain and anger. The fact Jolene has done this to him, pisses me off. The fact she doesn’t have to see it, causes an intense anger like I’ve never known to consume me. But then again, she was never a mother who was close to her child, so she probably wouldn’t even be affected by it.
I pull him into my arms. “Shhhh,” I murmur over and over until his crying subsides.
I cradle him for about ten minutes while he calms down enough to open his eyes and look up at me. “I want Mummy,” he says, his voice wobbling.
I run my fingers through his hair. “I know, little man, but Mummy has gone away.” My voice cracks. Nothing prepares you for parenthood, but nothing fucking prepares you for this.
“When will she be back?” This question gets me every time he asks it. What do you tell a child when the truth is worse than any bad dream they will ever have?
It’s been a good three months since he’s seen her. I used to take him to visit her in prison, but I cut the visits back when I discovered the truth. It was bad enough taking a child to that place when I thought his mother was wrongfully there, but no way was I allowing her to see him once I knew who she really was.
I stare down into eyes that will always remind me who his mother is. “I don’t know.” It’s the most honest answer I can give him. And honesty is something I will always give him because those you love deserve nothing less.
He thinks about that for a little while, and I continue to hold him. Finally, he says, “I miss her.” His words shred my heart a little more, and I swallow down my pain.
Nodding, I say, “I know.”
His head snuggles against my chest, and we sit like this for another ten minutes until he falls back asleep. I place him back in bed and pull the covers up. Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I whisper, “I love you.”
By the time I make it back to Callie, she’s eaten almost all the chocolate. It looks like she may have left me two pieces. Either that, or she’s still planning on eating them.
She
hits me with an expression that tells me she’s concerned. “Is he okay?”
I sit next to her and drape my arm along the couch behind her. “No. He’s been having these nightmares for a long time now. He always wakes up screaming for Jolene. I don’t know what to tell him except that I don’t know when she’ll be back.”
She places her hand on my knee. “That’s all you can tell him, Luke. It’s the truth, right?”
I suck in a breath at her contact. “Yeah, and that’s all we’ve got.”
Nodding, she agrees. “More people should stick to the truth. Life would make a lot more sense I think.”
