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I end up cleaning my house; it’s what I do when I’m full of nervous energy like I am at the moment. That takes me all of two hours and then I rearrange my pantry. And then I head downstairs to wash my car.
I’m finishing up with my car when Michael calls me.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“What? No love for me this morning?” he teases.
I play along because this is sadly the highlight of my day so far. “I’m sorry, dear manager, how are you today?”
“Pfft, fancy answering the phone with ‘what’s up’. Who does that shit?” He’s poking fun at me now because I’m always giving him grief for answering the phone that way, and now I’ve just done the same thing.
“Point taken.”
He chuckles. “Am I detecting a mood today?” Always so perceptive.
“Jett’s sister passed away two days ago and - ”
He cuts me off. “Shit, Presley. What happened?”
“She died of cardiac arrest but she also had just been diagnosed with cancer for the second time in her life.”
“God, I’m so sorry. How is Jett?”
“Not good. He was close to her.”
“Are you with him now? Just tell me to hang up if you are. We can discuss this stuff later.” Michael can be a smartass but he’s also very sensitive and it’s one of my favourite things about him.
I lean against my car and cross my legs in front of me. “No, he was gone before I woke up this morning,” I say quietly.
“Why do you sound upset, babe?” Again, always sensitive to what others are going through.
“Because it feels like he’s shutting me out.” I rush to clarify myself. “And I know he’s grieving and dealing with that in his own way, but I just want him to talk to me and let me help him. I’m so worried about hi
m.”
He’s thoughtful for a moment. “You know, not everyone needs to talk shit out, much as you might disagree with that. Sure, at some point he will possibly want to discuss it, but there are some of us who deal with our thoughts and feelings by going inward rather than outward. Perhaps the best way for you to help him is actually to leave him be and wait for him to come to you.” He pauses for a moment and then asks, “Do you think it’s possible that your desire for him to talk to you is more about your need to talk with him about it? That maybe while you think you’re being there for him, you’re actually trying to fill one of your own needs to help and fix?”
I consider what he’s said. “Shit, I hate it when you go all therapist on me.”
“Just think about it. And just continue to be there for him.”
“I will, but I’m not sure you’re right this time. Everyone who is struggling with grief needs people around them.”
“I’m not saying he doesn’t need you. I’m just saying give him the time and space to come to you in his own time.”
“Fine.” He’s made me a little grumpy. My desire to be here for Jett has nothing to do with me. In fact, I don’t even really understand what he’s trying to say so I change the subject instead of continuing this conversation. “What were you calling for?”
“You’ve had a few job offers come through that I wanted to discuss with you.”
“For what?”
“Magazine shoots. Still fashion, unfortunately.” He sounds as down about it as I feel.
“Ugh, no, I don’t want to do them.”
“Yeah, I figured, but thought I’d ask just in case you’d changed your mind.”
“You know what? I told myself I would take a few months off and I really need that so don’t even tell me about jobs that come in for the next couple of months.” I should have told him this to begin with.
