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“So either she ends this with Jolene or you end it with her?”
“Yes.” I carry my dish to the kitchen and place it in the dishwasher. Leaning my hands on the counter, I let out the angry breath trapped inside. As much as I’ve tried to shake it since my fight with Callie two days ago, I’m still holding onto the anger the fight stirred. I realise now it’s got more to do with Jolene than with Callie, but I refuse to budge on my decision.
Paris joins me in the kitchen. “I don’t understand you, Luke. Callie has lit up your life again—she’s made you smile more than I’ve ever seen you smile—and yet, you’re just going to let her go? Why?”
I grip the counter
hard as I angle my face sideways to look at her. “Paris, do you know what Jolene did to me? What she really did to me?”
“She ripped your damn heart out, picked it apart so it was in tiny little pieces and then she fed it to the devil. That’s what she did. I know that, Luke, but don’t you see? Callie put it back together.”
She’s right, but there’s so much more that she doesn’t understand. I’m not sure anyone could ever fully grasp what my marriage has done to me. “Jolene did more than just rip my heart out, Paris. She took almost every ounce of belief and hope I ever had in the world and trashed it. She caused this wall of hate to grow inside me until all I saw when I looked at the world was black. She fucking stole my dreams. How could she sit through those years of me fighting to free her, and let me give up everything to do that? I thought I was letting this hurt and anger go, but hearing her voice on the phone the other day just showed me that I haven’t—that it’s still buried deep in my soul. It also showed me that I desperately need to find a way to let it go. And I can’t do that if Callie is standing in front of me, reminding me every fucking second that my past was my own personal form of hell.”
She considers what I’ve said, but she still doesn’t get it, because she frowns and says, “Honestly, I understand everything you’re saying, but at the same time it seems so simple to me. You love Callie. Why can’t that get you through?”
“Because it’s not that simple. I wish it were.”
The doorbell rings, bringing our conversation to an end. Paris leaves to answer it while I head into the lounge room. I’ve got some paperwork for the bar to get through and I’m going to do it while I watch some mindless television.
“Luke.” Callie’s voice cuts through my thoughts as I turn on the TV. Looking up, I find her watching me hesitantly from the doorway. “Can we talk?”
My heart squeezes in my chest at what I hear in her voice and what I see in her eyes. She’s hurting as much as I am. And yet, I’m unable to reconcile our disagreement over this. As much as I want her in my arms right now, I can’t switch off the feelings I have about this situation. I nod. “Yeah, we should.”
Her movements are slow as she makes her way to the couch. She sits at one end while I’m at the other. The distance between us is painful. “I’ve spent days thinking about everything you said.” She stops talking as if she’s scared to continue.
“And?”
She wrings her hands, dropping her gaze for a beat before finally meeting mine again. “I can’t do what you want.”
Her words are like a knife twisting in my heart.
“You mean you refuse to do what I want because can’t implies you actually could if you tried.”
Her eyes flare with more hurt, but I’m blinded by so much disappointment I barely see it. “I’m stuck, Luke. I love you and I want to do whatever I can to make you happy, but this isn’t something I can do in good conscience.”
I stare at her. “So you’re willing to just walk away from us? You’ll choose Jolene over what we have?”
“I’m choosing truth. For Jolene as much as for you and as much as for Sean.”
“She’s poisoned your mind, Callie. I don’t want that for you. Trust me, I’ve been down that road and it doesn’t end in a good place.”
She shifts a little closer to me. “She didn’t come to me. I went to her. How could she possibly be poisoning my mind? I wish you would just—”
“Just what?” My anger flares. “Just let her right on back in to continue fucking with my life? That will never happen.”
She stares at me for a couple of minutes before resignation appears to settle in. I see the fight leave her and my heart screams for me to end this maddening disagreement, but my mind is in control here. I’ll never allow my heart to rule me again.
She stands and comes to me then. Sitting next to me, she places her hand on my cheek. A single tear falls down her face before more start flowing. “I love you and I will always love you. You gave me so much and made me feel things I never imagined I would ever feel in my life.” She wipes her tears. “I just want you to be happy, Luke. Promise me you’ll find a way to be happy.”
Fuck.
I grip her arms. “Callie, don’t do this. You’re what makes me happy. I need you.”
She nods. “I know, and I need you, but I also need to stick to what I believe is the right thing. And pushing the truth aside in favour of personal gain is not the right thing to me.”
She leans forward and presses her lips to mine. Her kiss is slow, almost hesitant. It’s not a passionate kiss like all the ones we’ve shared before. This is a goodbye kiss. It’s over before my mind can even catch up. When she stands, she looks at me like she already misses me and says, “Goodbye, Luke.”
Shock pulses through my body as I watch her leave. I want to go after her and beg her to change her mind, but I’m paralysed.
