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I think about moving out here, to our six-bedroom house – mansion – in the countryside. It was yet another of Zack’s surprises, right up there with the revelation of the studio he’d rented me.
Sure, I also have a studio in our house too, a cute little room that has a view of the garden. But having a place to disappear to in the city – where I can shut myself away for hours on end and pretend that the rest of the world doesn’t exist – is also nice.
“I don’t need both,” I said when Zack brought our new home, a giant red ribbon across the front.
I was in awe as I stared up at the redbrick majesty of it, and found myself wondering how he’d attached the ribbon. It was freaking beautiful.
“I don’t want you to think I need a bunch of things to be happy. Just being with you, Zack, that’s enough for me.”
He smiled – a glowing smile, a love-filled smile – and wrapped his arm around me. It’s so easy to lean close to him and rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes and savoring the feeling of his rock hard body, the security that blazes through every inch of him and tells me he’ll never let anything happen to me, to us, to our family.
“You don’t have to worry about how much it all costs,” he said firmly, kissing my forehead and sending more tingles shimmering through me. “You’re worth the world. And don’t worry. I’ve got enough money to build a full and beautiful life for us thanks to some great investment I made in my younger years. I promise you, my little artist, you’re worth every penny.”
It’s taken some time for me to get used to the idea that I don’t have to fret about money all the time. I spent so much time living from paycheck to paycheck, certain that I’d never be able to claw my way out of my month-to-month existence.
We’ve spent the last month decorating our new home and planning our wedding. I’ve painted as much as I can in between all the hot madness of our flowering romance, our love, and every chance I get to call Zack my fiancé, I take it, reveling in the word.
I’m constantly surprised how much he’s able to draw out of me, his kisses and his touch pushing through the nervousness until, sometimes, it’s like there’s no nervousness there at all.
I remember last night, the way I pounced on him after dinner, wrapping my legs around him and gripping onto his shoulders with full confidence that he’d catch me.
After I rode him – digging my fingernails into his stone like chest – I knew I should tell him. I found out two days ago, but there’s something inside of me, a remnant of the woman I used to be, that whispers things are so perfect now that anything new will spoil it.
It makes no freaking sense. Even if the new thing is good, even if the new thing will make our lives better, it still frightens me, as all change has frightened me ever since I was a little girl.
Zack hauls himself out of the pool, water glistening down his naked torso. His muscles are clearly outlined in the sun, hulking and heaving.
He smiles broadly as he swaggers over to me. “Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking about, baby?”
I flinch as I stare up at him, silhouetted by the sunlight, his eyes softer and brighter… and yet still with a predator’s edge behind them, as though he’s ready to bring out the feral parts of him if anybody ever tries to threaten what we have.
I stand and draw in a deep breath, letting it out shakily.
“I have some news,” I say. “A few days ago, when I was at the studio in the city, I realized something. I… I haven’t had my period. So I got a test. Actually, I was so nervous I got a bunch of tests, and they, every single one of them…”
I trail off and he steps forward, lifting his hands to my face and cradling my cheeks. He gazes supportively at me, into me. “You don’t have to be afraid of change anymore, Zoey. I promise you that.”
I gasp as he picks out my rawest part, but then I shouldn’t be surprised. He was able to read me after a day – truly read me, not like that faker and pervert Jerry, who’s going to spend the next few decades behind bars – so of course, he’s gotten better at it as the weeks have gone by.
“I love you,” he says. “And I love our life, our future. So tell me, my beautiful shy sassy confident innocent fiancé, what is it?”
I giggle and reach up, pressing his hand harder against my face, not caring that he’s still wet from the pool. “I feel like there were a few contradictions in there.”
