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We were about thirteen when I was first approached by a drug pusher. I was a young kid, stupid, desperate for attention. All I could see was how much money he had and how much affection was showered on him because of it.
When I brought it up to Miguel and Kevin, Miguel wanted nothing to do with it. He told me I was crazy and would end up getting killed. I didn't talk to him for two years because of it and I admire his tenacity. Kevin didn't want to do it either, but he was worried something would happen to me. So he joined in, with the idea of protecting me, and we started pushing together.”
“That’s surprising. I mean, do you really think his intentions were that altruistic?”
“I do, Celia. But then the money began rolling in, and that’s when I saw the fire light behind your father’s eyes. He loved the game, the power, the ability to help his loved ones. Kevin bought stuff for everyone in the complex, eventually paid off a house for your grandparents.”
Emery caressed the hair back from my temple as he told me the story. I could see them in my mind’s eye, my dad and Lawson making a stupid plan and striking out together.
“One night things got out of control, and one of the other kids who was with us, Tommy Hutchins, got shot and killed. Kevin was fine, but I ended up in the hospital too. I was lucky the bullet didn't hit any vital organs. While I was there, I met Lou. He was visiting his sister, who was recovering from surgery. He started to come by and spend time with me every day. I don't know how we clicked or why he took pity on me. I finally ended up telling him all the deep shit I was caught up in. To leave the gang, you either got jumped or had to buy your way out. I’d decided to take the beat down and pray I made it out alive, but Lou wouldn’t let me. He mortgaged his own freaking gym instead and bought me my freedom. It was more than either of my parents ever did for me. Lou saved my life and then some. He even wanted to buy your dad’s way out, too. He told him he would, but Kevin, by then he was all in. He didn't want to get out; he wanted the money. He’d gotten addicted to the cash and power, saw how it was helping his family and he didn’t look back. There was no asking him to walk away from something he was so good at. So your dad stayed with one foot in the gang and one foot in the real world. We both worked at Lou’s gym, but I wasn’t making anything because I owed every cent I earned to Lou.
As I listened to Emery talk about his past, shocked by how my own family was such an integral part of it. The Kevin that Emery knew, was not the father I’d grown up with. Joplin took away his independence and turned him into an automaton.
I felt for the young man my father had been and the hard choices he’d faced as a kid, not to mention, the mistakes he’d made and how they affected his family and the rest of his life.
I felt for Emery too and how he must have carried so much guilt for getting my father initiated into a gang and then getting out himself. But it was obvious to me now that my dad was vulnerable to those who wanted to control him. Whether it be a cult or a gang, my father had a knack for handing his freedom over to those who asked for it.
“It’s not your fault my dad didn’t take the same opportunity you did. You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting a better life.”
“I know. I just wish that he’d come with me. When Lou got me out, I moved in with him. I started training at the gym, and we found out together that I had talent. It led me to join a team in my last year of high school, which in turn garnered me a full ride in school. At University, I discovered I had an affinity for math and science, which brings us to where we are now—minus the suspension.”
“Did you know my dad had succumbed to Joplin?”
“Peripherally. Miguel kept me filled in and I knew when he joined. I never expected it to last or become his whole life like it did.”
“Why do you still box if you don’t need the money?”
“Well, it makes Lou money, and Lou is family to me. He never let me actually pay him back, for the mortgage, for the money I stole—so the least I can do is bring money in for him. But fighting gives me a rush that physics and academia and regular life cannot. I am never more myself than when I’m in the ring and the sweat and adrenaline is pouring off of me. The bright lights, the scent of blood, the sting of a squarely landed punch. I live for those moments. You must feel the same.”
