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“Raelynn?” I ask to the chirping cicadas and frogs.
I try the handle on the trailer door, and it gives. I tug it open and step inside to find it dead quiet. There’s a dull light over the sink, just enough that when I glance down the narrow hall, past the small galley kitchen and the bathroom, I spot Raelynn asleep on her bed.
Without a second thought, I slip off my shoes, walk quietly to her refrigerator, and pull it open so I can put the extra food I brought on an empty shelf. On the other side of the kitchen, I dip into the bathroom, wash my hands, and use some of her toothpaste with my finger then top it off with mouthwash. I try to stay as quiet as possible as I finish up and step into her tiny bedroom at the end of the trailer.
Raelynn is on her side in the middle of the bed, a tangle of blonde hair spread out over her pillow. Her blankets are bunched around her waist and her loose pajama top has ridden up to reveal the cinched part of her waist.
She must be exhausted if all my clatter didn’t wake her up. I consider leaving her to rest, but I can’t do it. I’m too greedy, too tempted now that I’m here with her. We have so few days left that I can’t give up this opportunity. I slink around the side of her bed, and she finally stirs.
“Ben?” she asks, her voice scratchy with sleep. “I left the door unlocked for you.”
I smile. “I know. Can I stay?”
She nods, but she still doesn’t open her eyes, as if she’s too tired to bother. She starts to scoot over to make room for me, and I sink down onto the stiff mattress and crawl under the blankets. Her bed is only a queen, which means it’s a tight fit once I lie down beside her.
For a moment, I hold perfectly still. I’m so rigid, so aware of how much room I’m taking up, how uncomfortable I am. I want to adjust my head on the pillow, fit myself better against her, but I don’t want to keep moving around and wake her up even more. I don’t even realize I’m holding my breath until she turns and nestles into my side, tugging me closer with her arm around my stomach. I never sleep with a shirt on, and it’s already warm in here.
“Hold on,” I say, lifting up enough to tug my shirt over my head and drop it on the floor.
I lie back down and find Raelynn looking at me.
“Sorry I was late.”
She smiles. “It’s okay.”
“Go back to sleep.”
She doesn’t argue, her heavy lids closing quickly. I finally relax, scoot closer to her, and get comfortable. It won’t be the best night’s sleep of my life, but even if we were on a plush California king, I wouldn’t sleep well. I’m so aware of Raelynn: her shallow breathing, her small hand resting on my chest, her bare legs brushing mine underneath the blankets. I want to do a million things to her, but I won’t be that selfish. I’ll let her sleep for now, and I’ll lie here with her and tell myself it’s enough. Truthfully though, holding her in my arms is the strangest sort of torture.
I haven’t slept beside a woman since Shelby, and there’s still some part of me that feels like I’m doing something wrong. I shouldn’t be here. I’m cheating.
But…I’m not.
I have to remind myself of that.
I glance up at the ceiling, trying to convince myself to close my eyes. Then I lose out and look back at Raelynn, studying her face, her cheeks, her lips. I lean in and kiss her before I stop myself. Then, I kiss her again. I shift and turn toward her.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper more than once. Sorry that I can’t let her sleep. Sorry that I can’t give her the rest she so desperately needs because I need her. I need her in a way I don’t think she understands, and it’s fucking terrifying me.
I kiss her again and she arches up against me, raking her hands down my back. I shift until I’m up on top of her, careful to hold my weight up so I don’t hurt her.
She whispers my name in a low, husky voice, and it’s my undoing.
I’m touching her like I’ve been craving to since we got interrupted at the diner this morning. My hands slide up underneath her pajama top, skimming over her bare breasts, and I groan with how sexy she feels pinned underneath me. I want her now and I’ll want her again later, I know it. I’m already imagining more. This time and another time and once more in the morning before I have to drag myself out of here for practice. I want it to last forever, but this first time can’t. I’m delirious with need and she knows it. Her hand skates around the top of my pants and then she dips it beneath my waistband, lower until she squeezes her palm around my length in a tight fist.
