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Even if Shelby had never showed up, this was always going to happen. He was always going to leave town without a trace. My troubles will rush in to fill the void he’ll leave, and it’ll be like he was never here in the first place.
I push to stand on shaky legs and walk toward him slowly, caving in to the urge to wrap my arms around his middle and squeeze. My face falls against his chest, and like a flash flood, my tears come with utter abandon.
He holds me and buries his head in the crook of my neck.
His scent wraps around me, and I wish I could siphon it and use it like a drug when I feel especially weak in the coming weeks.
I think I hear him whisper, “Please,” but I convince myself I’m wrong.
I can’t do this for us if he gives me too many reasons to beg him to stay.
In fact, I gather strength from all the reasons to push him away.
I step back from our hug even though he resists. I keep my hands gripping his shirt at his waist and I push him back gently and then, when that doesn’t work, harder. I straighten my elbows until he’s an arm’s length away, and I look up into his sorrowful brown eyes with my jaw locked tight.
“Little Bird.”
In an instant, I release his shirt like he’s burned me.
I’m shaky and dazed. I want this to end, but even still, I won’t kick him out. I won’t scream at him to go. I merely walk back to my chair and take a seat, grabbing my textbook to prop on top of my lap. I drop my gaze, look down at it, and still, his feet are in the top of my line of sight. He stays there and stays there and my tears roll down my cheeks and splash down onto the book cover, then I squeeze my eyes shut, and when I open them again, he’s gone.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Ben
If I thought me staying in Raelynn’s life would be better for her, I’d do it in an instant. If I thought I could button up this situation with Shelby quickly, shield her from the press, give her my undivided attention, ultimately make her happy…I’d take her from Pine Hill today. Right now.
Even looking at the hard facts, I still consider doing it. I’m a selfish man. I want to force her hand. Beg and persuade her by any means necessary. I know I could. I’ve seen the way she looks at me, those secret feelings she tries to keep buried when we’re in bed together. I know if I pressed on that tender heart of hers, I could convince her to give us a chance.
But ultimately, I do the right thing.
I can’t give her peace.
Definitely not now, maybe not ever.
I ride with the team out of Pine Hill and head to a tiny airstrip where three private planes are waiting to fly us and the Olympic coaching staff to Los Angeles where we’ll get on the flight to Tokyo.
I have a note clutched in my left hand with Raelynn’s phone number on it.
Lele got it for me.
She went to see Raelynn at the nursing home last night to say goodbye. When she boarded the private plane this morning, she walked down the aisle and stopped at my side, pressing the note to my chest. I took it and looked up at her. She was staring straight ahead, chewing on her bottom lip, her brows furrowed with concern.
“I swore I wouldn’t give it to you.”
She let her hand slide away and I reached up quickly to grab the note before it fell. She left me in peace and I stared down at those numbers, my heart pounding with all the possibilities. I contemplated calling right then, but instead, I programmed her number into my phone then repeated it over and over again in my head, memorizing it during the flight.
When we touch down in Los Angeles, it’s only for a few minutes. They whisk us onto another plane, trying to condense our travel day as much as possible. My teammates joke and laugh, eager to get to the Games. Enough of them have tried and failed to engage me in conversations that they know to just leave me alone at this point.
Anthony sits across the aisle from me with his headphones on. He knows everything. Talked to Shelby himself.
Coach Dalton passes me in the aisle and pats my shoulder, a silent show of support for whatever I’m going through. He knows better than to ask. We all have complicated lives we keep off the court.
Unfortunately, there’s no getting out of staying in the athletes’ village once we’re in Tokyo. For security reasons, they have our team sequestered on the top floor of a large recently built apartment complex that’s next door to the stadium where we’ll play our games. Single players have to share rooms, which means I’m bunking with Anthony.
