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“I really am sorry about all of this,” she says, hovering awkwardly as Nina leads Caleb out toward the garden.
Our food is waiting for us on the table, and even though I’m starving, I really need to run in and change out of these clothes, or better yet, dig a hole to China and escape this situation altogether.
“I’m actually going to run in and freshen up really quick,” I say, purposely avoiding eye contact with both of them before I hop up off the bench and dart back through the kitchen. I try to retrace my steps to get to Ben’s bedroom, but it’s not as easy as I remember. I first end up in the laundry room and then another half-bathroom before finally making it to his room. Unfortunately, I don’t have much to choose from in terms of clothes, but I can at least put my bra back on. I don’t really want to wear my crop top again, so I borrow another t-shirt from Ben and knot it on my hip so it doesn’t drown me. I decide to go commando underneath my jean cutoffs rather than put on yesterday’s panties. In the bathroom, I dig in the toiletry bag until I find a hair tie and brush. I toss my hair up into a ponytail and brush my teeth. I wash my face and apply deodorant and feel moderately more human by the end, but I’m still not quite up for going back out there.
Crap.
I just met Ben’s son and his ex-wife, arguably the two most important people in his life, and did I even smile? Yes…I think. And I introduced myself, so there’s that.
My heart stopped when I first saw Caleb. He’s so ridiculously adorable, so gosh-dang cute I could barely stand it. He takes after both of his parents so beautifully. He has his mom’s coloring—light black skin and dark brown curly hair—and Ben’s big smile. From our brief encounter, I could tell he has lots of energy. I mean, he tackled Ben on the patio swing, spilled coffee everywhere, and seemed totally unaffected by it all. I wonder what he likes to do, if he enjoys reading or if he can even manage to sit still long enough to get through a book. I wonder if he likes the stars painted on the ceiling of his room, and now I wish I were out there with him and Nina, tending the garden and getting to know him better. I haven’t been around kids all that much. I didn’t grow up with any siblings or cousins, and I’m embarrassed to realize I didn’t know Caleb would already know how to talk a little bit. I mean, admittedly, his words are kind of garbled, but I could understand him just fine.
I sigh and realize Caleb isn’t the one that scares me. No. It’s Shelby.
I cringe, wondering what she thinks of me. Surely she doesn’t assume I’m just some girl Ben brought home from the club last night, a one-night stand. Has Ben told her anything about us? She acted like she remembered me from our brief meeting at Dale’s, but she could have just been being polite.
The longer I stay in Ben’s room, the harder it seems to muster the courage to go back outside and face them all again. I sit on the edge of his unmade bed and try to recapture some of the magic I felt this morning. I can smell his scent lingering in the air. It already feels like a million years ago that we were alone in here together, kissing.
I glance over to see my purse waiting for me on the nightstand. I reach for it and tug out my phone, thankful it still has a tiny bit of juice left even though I forgot to charge it last night. I pull up the maps app and check the bus routes back to Caltech. There’s a city bus that picks up right outside of Ben’s neighborhood. From there, it cuts through Hollywood and around Glendale. In total, it would take me an hour and a half to get home. I’d have to do a good bit of walking in my cowboy boots to get to the first stop and pray I don’t get blisters, but it seems like the only viable option.
More determined than ever, I dig in my purse and find a scrap piece of paper and a pen I use to write Ben a quick note that I leave on his nightstand. He’ll see it eventually…
I turn off my phone to save the last bit of battery I have and stuff it back into my purse before heading out into the hallway, only to run smack-dab into Ben’s chest.
He grabs me by my shoulders, trying to steady me.
