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Guess that didn’t apply when it involved one of his kids.
It already hurt that Daisy and I weren’t together, but it hurt even more that I’d also lost a relationship that meant a lot to me, a colleague, a friend, and a father.
I stood at the workbench and stared at the vials in front of me, ready to be placed into the centrifuge to see the separation of the cells, but instead of making a move, I got lost in my thoughts.
I didn’t realize how depressed I was until it hit me right then and there.
I’d finally had happiness…and now it was gone.
All because I was born differently.
Because I had a disorder that could only be treated, not cured.
It cost my marriage, which didn’t sadden me anymore because she hadn’t been right for me anyway. Daisy had been the one, the woman I wouldn’t have met if that hadn’t happened. But it had cost me that relationship too.
Dr. Hamilton appeared across the table from me.
Didn’t even hear him walk inside.
I looked at him through my goggles, my blue nitrile gloves still on my hands, and I took a slow breath when I saw his face. I snapped out of my thoughts. “I’m almost done. When I have the results, I’ll—”
“I apologize for my behavior. I let my emotions get the best of me.”
There was so much relief in my next breath because losing him was just as bad as losing Daisy. He’d become the foundation under my feet that I needed. Before that, I was on mud, my feet slipping.
“I understand the situation is complicated, but it became less complicated when I saw the devastation in her eyes…and when my wife told me how hard she sobbed.” His eyes appeared lifeless, his pain written on his skin like words. “I didn’t speak to you for a few days because I knew I’d say something awful. But then it just came out, insensitive and cold, and worse, unprofessional.”
“I understand…”
“All I focused on was her…and I completely disregarded you.”
“Again, I understand.” I was just happy the man I admired and respected was back, calm and pragmatic, subtly affectionate.
He looked away for a while. “I stand by everything that I said, however.” He turned back to me. “You’re making inaccurate assumptions, assumptions based on a past relationship with a completely different person. Daisy has a heart purer than mine, and all she wants to do is help you. Whether she succeeds or fails doesn’t change the way she loves you. My best advice, as pragmatic as it can be, is to save this relationship while you still can. It’s worth getting hurt again—if it comes to that.”
I dropped my gaze, looking at the vials between us.
“I can’t begin to understand how difficult this is for you, but I do understand that when it comes to reproduction, our bodies are ingrained with instincts that are impossible to control. You’re protecting yourself the only way you know how because it’s easier to lose Daisy than to subject yourself to that again. Than to be told you can’t father children. Than to be told that your unique blood disorder has sabotaged your life permanently. So, you should either be brave and let Daisy try to help you—because she can make miracles happen—or don’t let her help you and be with her. I don’t think there’s a third option here, not if you want to be happy. Not if you want her to be happy.”
“I…I don’t know. I know what she really wants in life…and I can’t give that to her.”
He was quiet for a long time, thinking of what to say. “I heard something a while ago…you should always write out your future in pencil, not pen. Because it changes. And it’s okay that it changes. With most women, they want to have their own children, be pregnant, do all those things. But everything that comes after that, loving your children unconditionally, dropping them off for kindergarten for the very first time, taking them on trips they’ll never forget…that all still happens. The only part of this story that you’re changing is their conception and birth. But the rest…it’s the same.”
I dropped my gaze.
“Daisy agrees with that. She’s never referred to Lizzie as Derek’s stepdaughter. She’s never referred to Derek as her half brother. That’s not how we see each other. We’re all Hamiltons, whether that’s through blood, marriage, adoption…whatever. You aren’t denying Daisy anything.”
I continued to keep my gaze averted, feeling that longing more than I ever had before. It wasn’t just her that I missed. It was her family. It was these people…these good people. I wanted to be selfish. “You really think Daisy feels that way…?”
He didn’t say anything.
I lifted my gaze and looked at him.
His dark eyes were confident. “With all my heart.”
