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Blacklight Headlamp
The Story of Zeb and Fuck
You don't need to tell them a story every time. Come with me, instead. You can skip a night.
I already skipped one night. I can't disappoint them too much. They might leave here and go back to the beach, and then they'd be easy to attack. Those Painballers would ... I'd never forgive myself if ...
Okay. But make it short?
I'm not sure that's possible. They ask a lot of questions.
Tell them to piss off.
They wouldn't understand that. They think piss is a good thing. Like fuck - they think there's an invisible entity called Fuck. A helper of Crake's in time of need. And of Jimmy's, because they heard him saying Oh fuck.
I'm with them. Fuck! An invisible entity! A helper in time of need! Dead right!
They want to hear a story about him. About him and you, actually. The two of you, having boyish adventures. You're both stars at the moment. They've been pestering me about it, that story.
Can I listen in?
No. You'd laugh.
See this mouth? Virtual duct tape! If I had some Krazy Glue, I could ... Hey, I could glue my mouth to your ...
Don't be so warped.
Life is warped. I'm just in synch.
Thank you for the fish.
See, I am wearing the red hat, and I have listened to the round shiny thing I wear on my arm.
Tonight I will tell you the story of Zeb and Fuck. As you have asked me to do.
Once Zeb had left his home, where his father and his mother were not kind to him, he wandered around in the chaos. He did not know where to go next, and he did not know where his brother, Adam, was, who was his only friend and helper.
Yes, Fuck was his friend and helper too, but he could not be seen.
No, that is not an animal over there in the dark behind the shrub. That is Zeb. He is not laughing, he is coughing.
So, Zeb's brother, Adam, was his only friend and helper that he could see and touch. Was Adam lost? Had he been stolen away? Zeb did not know, and that made him feel sad.
But Fuck kept him company and gave him advice. Fuck lived in the air and flew around like a bird, which was how he could be with Zeb one minute, and then with Crake, and then also with Snowman-the-Jimmy. He could be in many places at once. If you were in trouble and you called to him - Oh Fuck! - he would always be there, just when you needed him. And as soon as you said his name, you would feel better.
Yes, Zeb does have a bad cough. But you do not need to purr on him right now.
Yes, it would be good to have a friend and helper like Fuck. I wish I had one too.
No, Fuck is not my helper. I have a different helper, whose name is Pilar. She died, and took the form of a plant, and now she lives with the bees.
Yes, I talk to her even if I can't see her. But she is not quite so ... she is not so abrupt as Fuck. She is less like thunder, and more like a breeze.
I will tell you the story of Pilar some other time.
So Zeb wandered deeper and deeper into dangerous places, where there were a great many bad men doing cruel and hurtful things. And then he came to a place where they cooked and ate the Children of Oryx, which he knew was wrong. And when he called on Fuck for advice, Fuck told him he had to leave that place. And then he lived in some houses with water all around, and he came to know a snake. But it was dangerous there; and he said, Oh Fuck! And Fuck flew through the air, and spoke to Zeb, and said he would help Zeb get away safely.
That's enough of the story for tonight. You already know that Zeb got away safely because he's sitting right over there, isn't he? And he's very happy to be hearing this story. That is why he is laughing now, and not coughing any more.
