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And who knew a minute steak took only a minute to cook? She burned hers. But her onions, they were pretty damn caramelized. She fared better than she had expected considering she hadn’t cooked a full meal in…ever.
When the food was cooked and eaten and all the stations had been cleaned, Neil announced a winner—the kid in the blue hat. She’d been beaten by a teenager. Not that she wanted the prize. Just the bragging rights associated with proving to Neil she was good at everything she touched.
The kids left and the two of them packed up their supplies.
“You’re good with those kids. A little standoffish, but still good.”
“All I need to do is teach them to cook. I don’t need to be their friend.”
That was…abrupt. And not the answer she was expecting. “They look up to you.”
“I never asked to be a role model.” He thrust the left over shallots in a plastic bag.
Carson leaned across the counter and settled her hand on his. “But you are a role model.” He had built up the wall that had divided them prior to their agreement. He was hiding himself.
“Street racing. Jail.” He shrugged. “Some role model.” He grabbed the bags that were full off the counter and stalked off to place them at the door. “They should choose someone else. Cole or Finn, even Old Jack, pre-Sterling, would be a better choice.”
“Why don’t you put yourself on that list? I don’t understand.”
Neil returned to where she sat at the front of the room. “I’ll help them any way I can. Hell, I’d probably even give them money if they needed it, but they don’t want me. I’m…” He returned to the counter and wiped down the laminate. “Never mind.”
“Neil, please…”
He threw the cloth into the sink. “This is a private class and the kids don’t need a stranger coming in here and judging them.”
“Judging? Is that what you think I’m doing?”
He had it all wrong. She admired these kids. They were taking the initiative to change their lives. At that age, Carson had made all the wrong decisions.
“What else would you do? Most people judge kids like this. Feel sorry for them.”
She knew he was speaking from experience. Neil Harrison was a confident, established businessman with the world at his fingertips but on some level he was still the scared little foster child waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under him.
“Neil, look at me.” She pulled at his hand and brought him closer to where she sat. “Do you think I’m judging you?”
“You wouldn’t be the first.” Neil locked his gaze on hers. “I’m a fraud. A ticking time bomb. A relationship disaster waiting to happen.” He wiped at the already clean counter with his palm . “I didn’t have a good male role model growing up. How can I possibly be one for a kid now?”
“Not having a male role model doesn’t mean you can’t be one.” She didn’t know Neil’s story, what happened to put him in the system, but she knew it couldn’t have been good.
“Neil, please talk to me.”
He slumped onto a stool, his shoulders hunched forward, but she still held onto his hand. And she didn’t intend to let go.
“I saw only violence and abuse, at home and then in foster homes. That’s all I know. You don’t know… you don’t know what it’s like for girls in who end up in bad foster homes.” He shook his head, unable to say more. The reason behind his distance—the discomfort with under-aged girls—she now understood. “Those are the male role models I know. That’s who I learned from.”
It would also explain why he never had a long-term girlfriend and kept the kids at an emotional distance. He thought he wasn’t good enough to be loved. He thought he was going to disappoint people with actions he probably wasn’t even capable of.
“Kids are preconditioned to repeat their parent’s mistakes. If I choose not to connect with anyone, I’m saving them from pain later on.”
“Neil. That’s just not true. You know that.”
He shrugged and pulled his hand away.
“I think you don’t give yourself enough credit.”
He had no idea how much he gave of himself and how much it mattered. What contributions did she make? It was Carson who didn’t deserve a man like Neil. He had been an innocent child and any mistakes he had made came from fear. Carson’s shame resulted from her own foolish decisions. She couldn’t take back what she did, ever.
She pushed a dark lock of hair off his forehead. “You’ll see. When push comes to shove, your instincts will prove that you’re not a nasty person. You’re good and kind, and protective. You may be a little hot-headed, but so am I. And I’m not saying that because I’m your sex slave.”
