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“What about when Lucy and Declan were born?”
My heart stalls.
“She tried,” Dad reminds her. “You told her not to.”
I wanted to be here so badly. I called Lexi at least once a week for both kids and told her to be sure to give me a heads-up when she went into labor because I wanted to hold her babies more than anything.
Instead, she told me that it wasn’t a big deal and that I’d see them later. She wanted the births to be quiet and intimate.
And she made it clear that that didn’t include me.
So, I sent all of the items on her registry and paid for a year’s worth of housekeeping.
“And what about Lucy’s first birthday?” she asks, referring to her oldest daughter.
Dad doesn’t respond to that one. The truth is, by that time, it was clear to me that I wasn’t needed or wanted here, so I stopped making an effort. It was easy to get swept up in my life in Nashville and let Lexi live her life here in New Hope.
“She must really love her family, huh, Dad?”
I can hear the sarcasm and the hurt in my sister’s voice, and then the door slams shut. I hang my head in my hands and sigh.
Up until Dad’s stroke, I never felt guilty about my decision to move to Nashville. It was the best thing I ever did. My career is the absolute best part of my life.
But since I’ve been home, the guilt has set in like a lead weight in my stomach, and I cried myself to sleep last night.
Not coming home didn’t mean that I didn’t love my family or that I didn’t think about them. Because I did. I made sure that Lexi and her family had everything they could ever want and need.
And I’ve taken care of my dad. This house is state-of-the-art. I supplement his retirement income so he never has to worry. And he comes to stay with me in Nashville several times a year.
I love my family, and I take care of them.
But I should have come home more.
I can admit that to myself now.
I take a deep breath and stare up at the bright moon that’s just moved out from behind a stray cloud. The stars glow. Crickets chirp, and I can see lightning bugs whizzing about in Tucker’s yard.
It’s as familiar as my own face, even after all this time.
But it’s still not home.
“Do you think this thing will hold the two of us?” Tucker asks. I’m not startled, I heard him come through the back door. I don’t say anything but slide to my right, giving him space to sit next to me.
“You okay?” he asks.
I shrug, but I still don’t say anything. I’m afraid that once I start talking, I won’t stop because Tucker’s always been one of the few people that I can pour my guts out to, and he’s not that person anymore.
God, I miss him.
He leans back, watching the night sky. I can feel the heat coming off him. He’s not a boy anymore. No, Tucker grew into a strong, handsome man with muscles for days. His smile is kind, with just a hint of mischief. He smells like soap, and he makes me yearn for things I never knew I wanted.
I still don’t know that I want them, not really.
But I need to talk about this, and Tucker deserves an apology.
“I always felt lost,” I say, breaking the silence. “Like I was walking around in a fog, trying to find my way—attempting to find that special place where I belonged. I never found it. When I got to Nashville, everything just sort of clicked into place for me. I can’t explain it, but for the first time, I felt at home. I should’ve come back to New Hope. But, honestly, I didn’t think anyone would care if I stayed away.”
“Scarlett—”
“Just let me get this out, okay? I need to get it out.” Tucker nods, and I continue. “My relationship with Lexi was rocky at best, and it didn’t take long after the move to find out that my friends weren’t really my friends. They were acquaintances. And let’s not forget how being in a small town means that people talk like you’re not standing right there, listening to every word. I knew what they all said about my mama, and how her actions made them feel about me. I’m not stupid. Lexi was too little to hear it, or maybe she just didn’t care. But I did.
“And then there was you…”
“Me?” he asks, surprised.
“You probably won’t believe this, but I thought about you every single day. I can’t tell you how many times I picked up the phone to tell you about whatever cool thing happened that day, or just because I wanted to hear your voice.” I feel the tears welling up again, but I swallow hard, determined not to cry in front of this man twice in one day.
