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She thought she had herself together, but when a text came through while she was pulling into the parking lot, her facade fell away. It was Banner.
Why did you leave without saying anything, pretty girl? Are you okay?
Pain speared her, but she choked back the tears. She didn’t have time to respond or have another pity party. She was already late. As she entered the lobby, Bethany was there, greeting her with a smile. It faded as Kate approached her.
“What’s wrong? Did someone die?” Bethany asked.
“What?” Kate tried for a smile, but it felt shaky. “Of course not. I’m fine.”
Her friend gave her a skeptical look.
“What?” She ran her hands down her skirt and straightened her blouse. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Was it that obvious? She felt like she was cracking, one sliver at a time.
Bethany winced. “You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
“Shit,” she hissed. After a quick glance around them, she motioned to the bathroom. Bethany followed her in.
“What happened?”
Kate checked the mirror. She’d put on globs of foundation earlier but it hadn’t covered the puffiness around her eyes. “Just some . . . relationship complications. I don’t know. I must be PMSing early.”
Bethany turned her by the shoulders and straightened a few pieces of stray hair. “Well, pull yourself together. It looks like someone broke your heart last night.”
Someone had.
“Either that or take a sick day. You hardly ever do.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I just . . .” She breathed in deeply through her nose, then slowly released the breath. “I just need to relax. I’m fine now.” Her smile was just about passable. “See? I’m fine.”
Inside, she felt as shaky as a toddler’s block tower. One small gust of wind and she’d collapse. But today was a paperwork day. She could handle that. As long as there wasn’t a big crisis, she would be fine.
They stepped out of the bathroom, and she felt hopeful for the first time that day. Commotion to the right caught her attention. She looked to see what was going on. There in the lobby was a big, fat gust of wind, and down her tower went.
Sean was there, verbally assaulting the staff, looking as though he was coming down from a high.
She froze. Her eyes watered, but she held back the tears. She knew it was illogical, but it felt like a betrayal. Of all the things that could go wrong that day, why did this have to be one of them?
Bethany gave her a little push. “Come on. You need to go home.”
Kate let her friend tow her to her car.
“Cry your heart out. Binge eat some ice cream. Take some antidepressants . . . Whatever you need to do. Come back when you feel better.” She held out Kate’s purse, then opened the car door.
Nodding, Kate sat in the driver’s seat and looked up at Bethany. “Thank you.” Her voice trembled, and she felt like melting into a puddle of humiliation.
Bethany gave her a tight smile. “I’ve been there. No worries. Are you okay to drive?”
“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later.”
The drive home was filled with numbing silence. She wasn’t sure where to go from there. She’d never felt so empty and alone. Despite having family who loved her, and even friends who would understand this, she still felt so desperately lonely.
Maybe it was because she didn’t understand what was going on. If a client had been verbalizing the things she was feeling—hopeless, confused, illogically sad—she’d have thought depression straight away. But she wasn’t depressed, was she? Would it hit so fast and so hard?
Back in the comfort of her apartment, she changed into a T-shirt and burrowed under her covers. Maybe she’d sleep off whatever this was and be back to normal later.
Pixie jumped up onto the bed and snuggled in next to Kate. How did dogs always know just how to help? Her eyes burned, even though she didn’t think she had any tears left. Still, her pillow was wet and uncomfortable within a few minutes.
She was getting damn tired of not getting what she wanted when it came to relationships. Was it so hard to find someone who could love her the way she was, instead of wanting her to be something else? A thought struck her and slid deep into her heart, making tears come faster. Maybe what she feared for the last year was true. Maybe she really was unlovable.
