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Make a decision, Dex. This week might be your last chance.
She pictured Will and Juliet’s wedding, but in her version it was Grant and Sarah.
Jealous rage flared through her, and a hopelessness she couldn’t live with. If she lost him because she was too chickenshit to accept him on his terms, she’d never forgive herself.
She loved him. Honestly, she’d loved him for years, but this new love went deeper than that and it scared the hell out of her.
He wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger, tugging deliciously. “I can still smell you on me and it’s driving me crazy.”
She grimaced. “Well, we can’t really do anything about it, can we? Between the boat ride back to the mainland dock, and then driving far enough to find civilization, going to find condoms will probably take us a day or two. Unless there’s some in the gift shop?” she asked hopefully.
“No, there isn’t.”
“You already looked?”
“You bet your ass I did.”
She rolled on her side and looked at him and he did the same, putting them within
a couple of inches of each other. Looking him directly in the eyes did something strange to her belly lately. It made her feel special, but it also made her want to cry. He looked at her like he saw her—the real her—and not some other version of her that he would have preferred.
“So what, then?” he asked. “We’re going to fool around together while we’re here and not think about what happens when we get home?”
She sighed. “I’m already breaking my rules sharing a room with you. Can’t we just let things happen this week and see where they lead?” She sucked in a breath and pushed ahead before she could talk herself out of it. “You’re wearing me down on the relationship thing, but I can’t just forget about what happened to me the last time I trusted someone.”
Her stomach lurched, objecting to her plans to take things past her comfort zone.
A small smile ghosted across his lips, but he suppressed it. “I’m not expecting you to forget about it. I just want a chance with you.”
“Well, you’re getting a chance against my better judgment.”
He chewed his bottom lip. “You’d have to agree to be exclusive until things between us end.”
“We already are exclusive.”
“I mean the kind of exclusive where you don’t play with other people and I don’t play with other people. I’m not just talking about sex.”
She sighed, not wanting to give in, but knowing she wouldn’t get him to agree any other way. Besides, the thought of him even playing with Sarah made her all stabby.
“No more Norwegians?” she asked sadly.
She never would have admitted it to anyone at the club, but Loke, Geir, and Rune, together as a group, sort of did scare her. On the two occasions she’d been brave enough to spend time with the three of them, she’d ended up safewording and leaving early. They were nice guys, but the fact that there were three of them and they liked sharing got pretty damn overwhelming, even to someone with her level of experience. It was a lot of terrifying attention to have focused on one woman. Grant was scary in a similar way, but at least there was only one of him. She’d realized about fifteen minutes into her first Norwegian session that she was hella glad she’d put sex on a hard limit list with them before she’d even gone over. Whoever they ended up with long-term was going to need a chiropractor and possibly a permanent neck brace.
“No more Norwegians,” he said insistently. “You’re just going to have to learn to tolerate sex with old one-dick, here.”
He was too happy. It was making her uncomfortable. It wasn’t like she was agreeing to marry him or wear his collar, and yet he was acting like he was getting everything he wanted.
She gazed into his eyes and fought down the overwhelming wave of warmth she always felt when she was with him. Getting carried away now and letting him believe things that weren’t true wouldn’t be fair to him.
“You have to agree this isn’t permanent. No expectations of permanence. I can’t give you that.”
“So what? Are we setting an expiry date for our . . . arrangement? And what about feelings? Am I allowed to have feelings for you or is this strictly sexual?”
He would have to ask her all of the hard questions now.
“Expiry date to be determined at some point in the future. I’m not marrying you. I’m not having your babies.”
“Personally, I feel no urgency for a big white dress,” he said thoughtfully. “But full disclosure here—I think I do eventually want children, although I may change my mind again.”
