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“It’s not about that! You and I have been closer than most brothers—we’ve been each other’s only family for so long, and now you just . . . leave?” Will shrugged as though his emotions were making him uncomfortable. “I mean, did I do something to piss you off or make you feel like you had to go?”
“No, man. I just need my own life—not all the time. Just a few months a year. A place where I’m not just your little brother.”
“You were never just my little brother. You’re my best friend. You’re my business partner—fifty-fifty. We’ve been together through so much shit. You’ve been the one constant in my life and the only person I could count on for so many years.”
“I’m not leaving for good. It’s just seasonal.”
“I know, but . . .” He scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and started to pace.
Grant’s throat felt thick, and he fought off the urge to make a dumb manly joke to cover the emotions he was feeling.
“And Dex. I’m glad for you two, but I feel . . .” He gestured emphatically but with no real meaning.
“What?” Grant’s hackles went up.
He stopped pacing and stared Grant down. “I love you, you fucking idiot. If you two are together and stay toget
her, it sort of makes me unnecessary in your life, doesn’t it? You’ve got each other, you’ve got your own business. It’s like you’re flipping me off in the rearview as you drive away.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Never mind.” Will sighed and shook his head. “There’ve just been so many changes lately that I’m having trouble adjusting. I feel like I wasted so much of my time with you and now you’re leaving me. I’m sorry if I haven’t been a very good brother since Beau came. I should have just known about you and Dex. Should have known you were unhappy at the club and done something about it.”
Tears stung Grant’s eyes and he looked away from Will, unable to stay in control if the expression of guilt on his brother’s face didn’t ease. Grant took a deep breath before shifting his gaze back to him. “This isn’t because of you, Will. I’m not leaving forever. It’ll just be for the summers. Hell, I used to be gone longer during the school year when we were kids. I don’t know why this is suddenly such a big deal.”
Will looked like Grant had punched him in the gut. “It was always a big deal to me. Maybe I didn’t show it because you were my kid brother, and Dad had no use for weakness, but every time he sent you away to school I . . .” His mouth twisted and he looked away toward the window, even though the curtains were closed. “I tried everything to get him to listen to me, but he refused to pull you out of that hellhole.”
“What are you talking about?” Grant asked uneasily. Will had no idea what went on at the school—he couldn’t have known. There was no way that their father had told Will, and Grant definitely hadn’t.
“I was a kid, but it’s no excuse. I should have figured out some way. I thought about taking you and running away so many times, but Dad always had you on lockdown when you were home, and I didn’t know anyone who would take us in.”
“Why would you have taken me and run away?” Grant said, feeling like he was missing something.
“Oh, for god’s sake, Grant! Did you think I didn’t see the bruises? Did you think you didn’t yell when you had nightmares? Why do you think I used to sleep in your room when you were home?”
Grant opened his mouth, then closed it again, feeling lost. “I thought you were afraid of the dark.”
Will snorted and collapsed heavily into one of the chairs on the other side of Grant’s desk. “Well, I was. But that’s not why I was in your room. I couldn’t protect you from the teachers at your stupid school, so I figured I could at least be there for you at night when you were home.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you knew?”
“You’ve made it pretty clear over the years that the topic was off-limits. I respected that.” He swallowed. “Did anyone there . . . touch you?”
“No. It wasn’t like that.”
Will tossed back a drink Grant hadn’t even noticed he was holding. “Well, I didn’t fail you on that count until we left home, at least. Out of the frying pan into the fire.”
Grant just stared at him.
“Oh, right. I’m supposed to pretend I don’t know about that either, I forgot.”
“We weren’t at the shelter long. A lot of people have been through worse.”
“Sure. But they weren’t my responsibility.”
Grant grimaced. “I’ve never been your responsibility, doorknob. It’s not like you’re old enough to be my benevolent father figure. What’s a twelve-year-old going to do to protect a ten-year-old? What’s a nineteen-year-old going to do to protect a seventeen-year-old? Neither of us had any power in those situations. We were just surviving the best we could.”
“You were my responsibility. You still are. I fucked up your entire childhood, and now—how could I not have known about you and Dex? I didn’t realize my head was so far up my ass, but I missed all of the signs. Or maybe I saw them and blew them off. Maybe I didn’t want it to be true because then you wouldn’t need me around.”
