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Primal defenses roar awake inside of me, the beast within battering his chest and yelling no, no, fucking no. I can tell what Jocko’s implying as I read his steady expression.
He thinks that sleeping with Kelly will make it easier to forget her. He can’t comprehend how big and all-consuming my need for her is.
I can’t blame him. Jocko’s never felt anything like this, and to him, it probably seems the same as obsessive sexual attraction.
But it’s so, so much more.
“How confident are you you can keep my daughter safe?” I snarl. “I’m asking as one professional to another.”
“Damn-near a hundred percent. Sergey doesn’t have the men. He has no clue where we are. If he tries anything, I’ll have ten exit strategies. I’ll die and kill before I let anyone hurt your family, Kane. You know that.”
Our eyes meet for a moment.
His are hard, but beneath their solidity, I detect a glimmer – a glimmer that holds all those battles we fought together, all the times I saved his ass and he saved mine in Ramadi.
I should tell him no, no damn way. This makes me a terrible father. I can’t betray Lena like this.
I should roar no.
But my soul sings and my heartbeat picks up at the thought of being alone, truly alone, with my princess.
“Okay. Let’s do it.”
Chapter Nineteen
Kelly
I stand at the window and watch as the plain-looking car drives down the road, alongside the ocean and out of view. Nerves swirl around in my belly, but I can’t deny the shiver of excitement that shimmers beneath it all, as my body sends whelming contentment, heat, and passion surging through me.
We’re alone, completely alone, for the first time in a week.
I turn to find Kane standing on the other side of the living room, wearing a blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up, his forearms tense and throbbing like he’s ready to charge across the room at any second.
“Are you ready for our date?” he asks, stalking across the room, his movements measured as though he doesn’t trust himself to act too quickly or he’ll snap.
“Are you sure she’s safe?” I murmur.
“I wouldn’t dream of putting my daughter at risk,” he says quickly. “Jocko is one of the most highly-qualified SEALs I know. He’ll hole up and call me if it comes to that, but it won’t. He knows what he’s doing. All we have to worry about is…”
He trails off as he comes to a stop bare inches from me, so close I can feel the heat of his body radiating from him, sending warmth cascading through me.
“Us,” I finish in a whimper.
“Us,” he repeats in a growl.
Reaching up, I grab onto his chest and dig my fingernails in, feeling how his muscles bulge. I’ll never get tired of how solid my man is, how every part of him pushes against me like he’s carved of stone.
It’s hardly midday yet, so it’s too early for dinner. But Kane takes my hand and leads me over to the table which overlooks the small enclosed garden, the high walls blocking out the rest of the world. The flowers are fragrant and the creepers are wild, giving the garden a jungle look, as though mirroring the entanglement in my heart.
As we sit, Kane leans forward and strokes his fingers along my face. “Don’t worry, Kelly. Jocko’s going to text me every fifteen minutes to let me know everything’s okay.”
I reach up as the tingles dance through me, pushing his hand firmly against my face, savoring the feeling of his touch. “It’s not that.”
“I know.” He nods. “But the only other choice is to tell her, and you said you’re not ready for that.”
Fear flutters through me and I find myself smiling – smiling away the discomfort and the responsibility and the pain. I put everything into this moment, closing everything else away, not letting myself think about it lest it tear me to pieces.
“What I said was we need to try and get bored of each other,” I sass, reaching for some of the Maltese bread he’s laid out on the table. I begin to butter it as I arch an eyebrow at him. “So maybe we should get to work.”
He chuckles, shaking his head, his eyes alight.
It’s crazy how we can do this to each other, pluck us out of the anxiety of what we’re doing, of the line we’re crossing, so that we don’t have to think about how truly messed up this is.
When we’re together, nothing else exists, nothing else matters.
And even if that’s a traitor’s thought, this feels like destiny, a secret voice whispering that it’s so tantalizing that my dreams have come true.
I just hope my nightmares don’t come true as well when we tell Lena. If we tell Lena.
“Kelly?” Kane says, in a tone of voice that tells me it isn’t the first time.
