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I took a deep breath. Why? I guess because I’m just me, and tension in the air makes me nervous. It makes me jittery and unstable, and I hated feeling like Helen of Troy. I hated knowing that nations were going to war because of me. This isn’t what I wanted at all.
“I guess I’m just a peaceful person,” I mumbled, looking down at my hands once more. “I guess it makes me upset and uncomfortable. I want everyone to be happy, and that wasn’t the situation tonight.”
Karen took my shoulders then, turning me so that we faced each other on the narrow bed.
“Joanie, I haven’t seen you in a long time,” she said firmly. “But you’ve gotta buck up! I’m not saying this situation is ideal. No one wants to be in the middle of a mess. No one wants to cause a mess either. But at the same time, how old are these guys? If they’re CEOs, they can’t be that young, right? They’ll find some way to work it out, you don’t need to get involved.”
I shook my head hopelessly.
“But I feel like I am already. If I wasn’t there, then they wouldn’t be brawling and ready to draw blood.”
She nodded thoughtfully.
“Yeah, I think it can feel like that sometimes. It’s human nature after all,” she said with a wry smile. “It’s human nature to think we’re the center of the universe, and in your case, that’s especially true. But try to step outside of yourself for a moment, and just take a deep breath. Do you really think these guys can’t work it out? They’ve lived decades more than you, honey. These guys know how to grease the wheels, they know how to make things work. You don’t need to worry.”
And I stared at my hands, still contemplating.
“Maybe,” was my small voice. “But even if they weren’t fighting, don’t you think it’s weird? Don’t you think it’s weird that I’m with six men?”
Karen was silent for a moment, black hair absorbing all the light. Wow, her dye job was intense, the strands like sooty charcoal without any shiny glints whatsoever.
“I do,” my friend began slowly. “But it doesn’t matter what I think. There are so many ways to live life, and I’ve learned not to judge.”
I sat back, staring at her unblinking.
“Really?” came my croaky voice. “You’re okay with it?”
Karen was silent for a moment, staring at the bedspread before looking back up at me.
“Joanie,” she said slowly. “I’ve learned that you have to live life out loud, and if you’re in love with six men, then it’s fine. Love is love, and we all have our secrets.” She took a deep breath before looking me straight in the eye, gaze unwavering. “Do you know why my dad moved me to the city in the middle of eighth grade?”
I nodded, confused.
“Yeah, because he got a job in Manhattan, right? And your parents divorced too. At least that’s what I always thought. Why, was there something else?”
Karen nodded then.
“My dad did get a job with a shop here,” she said slowly. “But it’s more than that. I came out to my parents, and they wanted me to be in a safer environment. Where we’re from, people aren’t so nice when they find out you’re gay. It’s not that they’re mean, they just don’t want to be friends anymore. So my dad moved us to the East Village, figuring that the boho crowd wouldn’t care.”
I stared.
“You-you’re gay?” I stammered. “You mean, like lesbian?”
Karen nodded slowly, eyes flickering a little.
“I am,” she confirmed in a soft voice. “I’ve been lesbian since I was a little girl. I always knew, even when I was small. I hope you don’t mind Joanie. I hope this doesn’t change our friendship.”
I stared at my buddy with new eyes. This conversation was insane. We’d started talking about my love affair with six men, and now Karen was coming out of the closet? How did this conversation make any sense? How was Karen a lesbian anyways? Because never would I have suspected. There were times when we hung out in my room, listening to boy band
s while cooing over pictures of Justin Bieber. So this was unexpected for sure.
But friends are friends, and it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, black, white, or covered in polka dots. All that mattered was our relationship, and Karen had my back no matter what. The same way that I had hers.
I grabbed her hand tightly, our fingers interlaced.
“I guess I’m not the only one with secrets, huh?” came my croaky voice. “We both turned out different than expected.”
Karen gripped my fingers just as tight.
