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“And you like it, don’t you?” he asked, his voice soft as velvet.
“Fucking love it,” I said.
“You lied when you said you’re not going anywhere, by the way,” he told me, running his thumb gently along my jaw. “Because you’re going straight to bed with me.”
I felt like I was on the precipice of something big, with him. And even though I should have been, I finally wasn’t afraid.
16
Fox
The next morning I woke up with Sam in my arms and I knew it felt better than any ridiculous, prestigious job offer ever could.
If I were anywhere else, I wouldn’t have been able to sleep at all. I would have been up all night looking at Chamberlight financials and Morozova firm reports, worrying and wondering about getting the CEO position or partnering with Mariya.
But waking up here made me realize the truth. I didn’t want either of the positions unless it could be on my terms. Not if it meant being away from Sam.
The feeling was as terrifying as it was freeing.
I’d never lived my life this way. I was off-track, for the first time ever. I felt like I’d just escaped jail, free from something I never knew was holding me back.
It was the final day of being in San Francisco before Sam and the rest of the family were set to start heading back to Kansas. The return leg of the trip wasn’t going to be quite as eventful or long as the first half had been, but I knew Sam had a few days of travel ahead of him.
I woke him up by pressing small kisses to the side of his arm. He murmured a little, turning over to look at me.
“Oh thank God, it wasn’t just a dream,” he whispered, his green eyes practically sparkling.
“You want me to pinch your cheeks to make sure you’re really awake?”
He gave me a flirty look. “Only if it’s my ass cheeks.”
I smiled at him, leaning in to gently bite his earlobe as I reached under the covers, slowly running my palm over his ass before giving it a little pinch. He let out a little yelp, pushing his ass back against my hand.
A knock came from the hotel room door and Sam sat up straighter, clearing his throat. “What’s up?” he called out.
“You up and at ‘em, kiddo?” came Cathy’s voice from the other side of the door.
“I’m awake,” he said. “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be out.”
“We’ll see you downstairs for breakfast.”
Sam let out a breath as we heard her footsteps walking off down the hall. “What are we going to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know.”
He reached out and rubbed my shoulder. “What if we just tell them? Point blank? ‘Hey, guys, just so you know, we’re totally into each other. Get used to it.’ That would work, right?”
I slowly ran my fingertips along the smooth skin above his collarbone. “I wish I was ready for that,” I admitted. “For God’s sake, they don’t even know I’m interested in men, let alone…”
“That you’re here again, and you spent the night with me.”
“Right.”
Worry crept through my chest for the first time since last night. Last night really had felt like a dream—somewhere far away, isolated and contained, where the real world didn’t exist. I didn’t know what to do now.
“I understand,” Sam said, his expression serious. “I’m not willing to live in secret for my whole life, but if you need to for a little while, I can do that.”
I could feel the pain and worry in his voice even though he was trying to sound accommodating. Sam had spent his whole life out and proud, and I wasn’t going to get in the way of that.
I held his hand. “I really don’t want to make you do it for any amount of time,” I said. “I don’t want to, either. But I just need time to process.”
“To hop out of your cocoon?” Sam asked.
I puffed out a laugh. “Maybe. Sure,” I said.
“You really did find yourself on this trip, just like you set out to do,” he said as he got out of bed. He was still naked, his body practically glowing in the morning light.
“I refuse to say I found myself, because it’s too cheesy,” I said. “But I definitely found you.”
“Are you flying back tonight?” he asked. He was doing it again. Trying to keep his tone light, when I could tell he was nervous about my answer.
I sat up. “I do have to go back today, yes,” I said. “But I’m hoping I can come back to see you again in Kansas. As soon as you’re back in town.”
He pulled in a breath, nodding. “And you’ll really be there?”
My heart ached. It was so hard for him to believe it, and I knew that was my own fault.
