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I’d tried to eat dinner with them. The happiness and conversation emitted from the five of them had been too much. Emily had four men at her beck and call. I couldn’t even keep one man interested in me.
Being surrounded by all that love made me feel sick and full of failure.
What kind of man would want me?
I swiped at the tears threatening to keep falling. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t give the tears the satisfaction of falling, but they did.
I’d gone through too many hankies and tissue because of my pain. I rubbed at my chest and still, it hurt so badly.
A knock pulled me out of my depression. I called for them to enter, expecting it to be Emily. It wasn’t.
Drake stepped inside.
He walked toward me and plopped himself down opposite. “I heard you were back.”
“Good for you,” I said.
“I take it you’re not good company.” He didn’t make any show of leaving.
Even as I glared at him, wanting to get him as far away from me as humanly possible, it didn’t help.
“Why are you here?”
“You don’t call or write, and you don’t eat anymore. I came to see if you were dead.”
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m not intending to be funny. I don’t know any jokes or anything.” He folded his arms across his chest.
I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him. “Can you please just leave me alone?” I asked. I didn’t even know why I was attempting to be polite. This man was an asshole in school. I didn’t care what Emily said, it wouldn’t change who he was. The man was just a bigger one now than ever before.
“Does everyone do what you ask them to do?” he asked.
My thoughts went to Earl, and I shook my head. “No.”
“You know, I don’t know why you’re angry. Shouldn’t you be happy about being let go?”
“Drake, please, go away.”
“Not happening, doll. I just don’t understand it. This guy only ever wanted your virginity, and I’m guessing because you’re sitting up here moping, not eating, and scaring Emily half to death, there has to be another reason.”
Tears filled my eyes, and with each word he spoke, my heart began to shatter.
“Right from the start, you knew this was a done deal. You weren’t anything special to him, and a woman’s hymen isn’t going to last long. One good fuck, and it’s gone.”
“Enough!” I screamed the word, hoping he’d shut up. “I get that I wasn’t important to him. Okay? I understand that all I was to him was a piece of virginal flesh. A cherry for him to pop. I’m so sorry I can’t be a mechanical asshole and not have feelings. He was doing what he wanted to do, and I fell in love with the fucking bastard. There, will that make you happy? Will that get you to leave me the fuck alone so I can be miserable in peace?” Each word got louder as my rage took over. I was so upset, I just couldn’t stop it, and saying how I loved him out loud only served to make it worse.
Covering my face with my hands, I sobbed.
I couldn’t stop.
The truth was I was so fucking heartbroken. Even though I’d spent all of my time with Earl knowing I was going to be let go of and tossed aside, the actual fact of it hurt. I’d tried to protect myself, but it didn’t work. I’d fallen in love with a man who would never, not in a million years, love me back.
I jerked back as Drake wrapped his arms around me. It was so unexpected, and I tried to pull away.
“I’m not going to hurt you. Just holding you. Let it out.”
I didn’t trust this. Drake wasn’t a good man, at least not the last time I met him, and yet, he held me as I sobbed out my pain.
It hurt so badly. I couldn’t control it. I’d never experienced this kind of hurt. Even my mother’s selfishness couldn’t compare to the pain I felt right now.
Drake stroked my hair, and I don’t know how much time had passed, but eventually, the tears stopped coming. The pain didn’t.
My chest was hollow. I was so unhappy.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“No, I’m really not okay.”
“Look. I know this isn’t my place to say, but locking yourself up here, not eating, you won’t heal this way.”
I tucked some hair behind my ear. “What makes you such an expert?” I asked. It wasn’t spiteful or mean, just fact.
“Easy, I understand it.”
“You’ve been heartbroken?”
“No, but I’ve been hurt. It’s not the same kind of level, but I understand you, Ashley. We all do on some level. Even Emily. It’s breaking her heart to see you like this.”
“I can leave,” I said. “I don’t want to hurt or upset anyone. I’m trying to get through it. I even promised myself I wouldn’t feel anything for him. He’s a horrible person, and he does horrible things.”
