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“If you were going to propose to me, you would have done it already,” I said. I couldn’t stop thinking that the only reason he was proposing to me was for the baby. Deep down, I should have been happy he’d be willing to take responsibility, but I wasn’t. When I married, I wanted it to be with someone who loved me. Who couldn’t imagine another day without me.
Not with someone who felt obligated.
“I know I’ve fucked up big time with you. I can’t take a lot of the shit back that I’ve done, and I’m sorry. So fucking sorry for everything. You’re pregnant with my child, Ashley. That’s not going to change, and I don’t have time to prove to you how I feel.”
Licking my lips, I shook my head. “No.”
“Ashley?”
Tears filled my eyes, and I was getting so frustrated with crying. This wasn’t fair at all. Being emotional was turning into a curse.
“Look, we’ve got history. I get that. We’re pregnant, but I’m not going to forget you walking away.”
“I did that for your own good.”
“And because you’re back, you expect me to be happy about that?” I asked. “There are a lot of things going on right now. I can’t process all of this. You’re going to need to give me time.”
“I’m raising this kid with you,” he said.
“Of course. That’s not in question. I want to raise this child with you, and that wasn’t a lie. But you’ve just come back into my life. I don’t know if this is even the right thing to say. I’m … having to get used to you, okay? I’m not going to fall into a trap with you.”
He stepped close to me, and I held my hand up, but he didn’t stop.
My palm touched his chest, and he grabbed my arms, placing a kiss against my head. “I’m not going to let you down. I’m going to prove to you that I’m in love with you, Ashley, and you will be mine.”
I got another kiss to the forehead, and then he was gone.
My apartment suddenly felt so empty.
He’d been in my life for a matter of hours, and he’d managed to make my life seem hollow.
Sitting down at the table, I reached for my cell phone and pulled up Emily’s number.
I swiped at the tears falling down my cheeks. They had no place.
With a deep breath, I put the cell phone against my ear, and my hands shook slightly.
It was late here, so it had to be slightly earlier there.
The phone kept on ringing, but I didn’t hang up.
I waited.
Patiently.
Waiting.
“Ash, hi, is everything okay?” Emily asked.
With my palm flat to the table, I took a deep breath. “Emily, hi,” I said.
“What’s wrong?”
Silence. I didn’t know what to say.
“Ashley, you’re scaring me. Is someone there?”
“Earl’s here,” I said. “He, er, he arrived yesterday. He was waiting for me in my apartment.”
“Fuck. I had no idea he was even coming to see you.”
“I don’t imagine he really cares about giving people the heads-up, you know? He’s always been the kind of guy who just does what he wants to and to hell with the consequences.” I ran my palm across my table. It was so clean. No roughed-up dry pieces of food.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oh, you know, it has been a long couple of days. Earl told me he loved me, and to add to that, I’m pregnant. It has been a pretty hectic couple of days.”
“Pregnant?”
“Ah, you heard that part.” I rubbed the back of my head. There was so much to take in.
Earl being back was messing with my head. With everything.
Emily let out a squeal. “How far along are you? Is it Earl’s, or did you find yourself a hot Brit? Come on, I want details.”
I laughed. “I’ll try not to be offended, but this is Earl’s baby. I’ve been so busy working. I’ve got two jobs.”
“Ashley, you’ve been working yourself to the bone because you’ve got a broken heart.”
“It worked for you.”
“Damn it, I don’t want you to cry, but I can hear it,” Emily said. “Now I’m crying and I can’t give you a hug.”
“I know you would if you were here.” I wrapped an arm across my body, trying to give myself a hug. It didn’t exactly work, but just hearing Emily’s voice was enough to calm me down. “I can’t believe I’m pregnant.”
“Wait, a minute, Earl told you he loved you?”
“Yes, and he asked me to marry.”
“So why do you sound so sad? Isn’t this good news? He’s going to do the right thing?”
I sighed. “I don’t want him to marry me because of the baby. It doesn’t seem right, nor fair.”
“Ashley, babe, it’s his baby, and you love him, and he told you he loved you.”
“I get all of that, I do, but … if he wanted to marry me, wouldn’t he have asked before the baby?” I couldn’t help but feel he only asked because of the baby.
