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"Alright, Nox," Hodge says, ever the patient saint. "You sure you don't want to come?"
"No," I repeat.
"Alright." For a moment, I'm convinced our conversation is over, but then he speaks up again, his tone changing, his voice darker, crueler. "I know what you did to my daughter, Parker."
"What?" I hiss.
"You killed her."
I haven't heard him speak the truth out loud. For years, I was convinced he was shutting his own eyes. Somehow replacing his daughter with me, as if her murderer could somehow make Hodge's pain better.
"Hodge, I..." I don't know whether to defend myself or deny it. It's rare that I'm lost for words.
"Spare me the bullshit." Suddenly, his voice drips with venom. "You killed her. Don't worry, Nox, I'll never make you pay the way you should – behind fucking bars. But there's something else for you to do. Obey me. Give me what I fucking want."
"What's that?" I ask through gritted teeth.
"Come to New York. Do the exhibition."
"But my brother –"
"You don't even have to see him."
"He'll know I'm there."
"We'll keep him away from you," Hodge insists.
"Why are you so obsessed with this?" I hiss. "Why can't you let fucking go?"
"Because you took everything I had away from me," he growls. "So now I'm making you pay."
The truth hurts. I remember what happened just hours ago, how I promised Willa I'd be there for her. But what choice do I have?
"And if I don't?" I ask, anticipating Hodge's answer.
"I'm turning you in," the older man says. "You're going to jail for a very, very long time."
I want to tell him to go fuck himself, but I tighten my jaw, refusing to let my emotions out. My mind reminds me of the darkness within. Rotting, festering. I'm only making things worse.
"Are you blackmailing me?"
"Call it whatever you want," he says, and I can practically feel him smirking. "I'll send you a ticket over email. I'm expecting you in New York in two days."
"What about my life here?" I demand.
"What life?" Hodge seems to revel in hurting me. "You're a monster, Nox. You have nothing, no one. Whoever is in your life will be better off once you leave. They don't deserve to get hurt, do they?"
They.
I think of them.
Willa. Innocent, young. Hurt, abused. On her own without me.
Dove. Broken by me so many times neither of us knows if she can be put back together again.
Maybe Hodge is right. Maybe I'd be doing them a favor by blending into the shadows once and for all, disappearing, unburdening their lives.
Maybe I should do what he says. Seems like I don't have a damn choice, anyway.
I end the call, unable to handle the conversation. A moment later, an email rolls in, telling me I have a flight the next day at noon. It barely gives me any time to say my goodbyes. I have to pack up my meager belongings and get out of here in a few hours.
With a groan, I towel-dry my hair and tell myself the few hours I have left in LA are enough.
I get dressed again, heading to Willa's house first.
The bear is in her bedroom window, silently watching the street. I get closer, dangerously close, telling myself I'll risk it this time, because I know it's the last time.
I peek inside her bedroom, or what passes for it. It's trashed. Her mattress is on the floor and there's a thin blanket covering Willa's sleeping body. I think of calling out to her but think better of it. She needs her rest. But now I've fucked up – just one more thing to add to my endless list of mistakes. I've given the kid false hope. I've made her a promise that I'm breaking the very same day.
I walk away from the house with my hands in my pockets. My conscience is heavy tonight.
There's one more stop I have to make – Dove's house. And if it's hard leaving Willa, leaving Dove will be like ripping my heart out of my body, and trying to fucking survive.
She's alone tonight, no Raphael in sight. There’re a few lights on, which means I should keep my distance, because little bird is still awake. And yet I can't help myself.
I stand close by, catching a glimpse of her here and there. I'm grateful she's not in full view. It would only make what I have to do worse. I don't think I'd be able to leave if I saw Dove properly tonight. Something pulls me back to her every time, reminding me my blackened heart belongs here, with her.
"Hey, creep. Got a problem?"
The words take me by surprise and my heart beats into overdrive as I spin around. And there he is, Raphael Santino in all his tall, dark and handsome glory.
"What are you doing here?" he demands as realization dawns on him. "Hey, I know you."
