AllFreeNovel
Share Us
"I do," I nod slowly. "But I can't be there for you anymore, Willa. I can't be the man you need."
"W-What?" Her bottom lip wobbles and my guilt fucking cuts through me like a knife. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I..." I can't force the words to leave my lips. "I'm saying I can't give you what you need. I'm too old for you, too old to give you everything you deserve. You need some time to discover yourself, find out what you truly want and –"
"I know what I want," she cuts me off, tears already running down her cheeks. "I know, Raphael, because it's you. I want you. I'll give up everything for you. Whatever you want."
"You can't," I shake my head. "I'm not letting you. You deserve a life before this – a life of your own."
"But I don't want that," she whispers. "I want you, I only ever wanted you."
"I can't," I breathe, my heart fucking smashing into pieces. "I can't be the man for you. You deserve so much better, trouble."
"Don't call me that," she mutters brokenly. "How can you do this? How can you end it after everything we've been through?"
"Because it's better for you," I admit, knowing I'm telling her the truth for once. "You don't deserve this, and I don't deserve you."
"So just like that, it's over?" she whispers, then shakes her head vehemently. "No, Daddy."
"Don't, Willa..."
"Don't what? Pretend like we had something so perfect, so special, I thought my happily ever after was finally here?" She wipes her tears away, smudging her mascara. My beautiful mess. "I refuse to accept this, Raphael. I don't believe you want it to be over."
I don't know what to say, because on so many levels, my girl is right. And yet neither of us can walk away from this happy and satisfied. I know now I need to hurt her to make her leave. It's the only way to keep her from me – to keep her from finding out Elise is pregnant with my kid.
"You need to have your own life, Willa," I mutter. "You can't follow me around like a lost puppy."
I was convinced she'd jump down my throat at those words, but instead she just shivers and shakes. Pain sears through me, and I've never hated myself more. But I need to do this, so she doesn't get hurt even more. I need to save Willa, even if I can't save myself.
"You really want me gone?" she asks softly, sounding so fucking vulnerable I know my next words will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I force myself to nod. "I'm sorry, Willa, but it's over."
"Daddy, please."
Her bottom lip trembles and the pain cutting through me makes me feel fucking sick. I get up and force myself to walk away from her, standing in front of the window and staring at the skyline.
"Go, Willa. You need to leave."
I can hear her crying behind me. This is the hardest thing I've done in my entire life and I've broken my own heart by doing it. This pain... it's the kind of pain that never fades. The loss of Willa will be the phantom limb missing from my body, still hurting despite its absence.
I hear her getting up, hear her walking up to me. She doesn't touch me, and I'm grateful for it, because if she did, I would've told her to stay. She stands there for a long time and I don't turn around, my hands forming fists and my eyes closing as I wait for her to go, severing our special connection.
I tell myself once again this needed to happen. That we can't be together, that she deserves more than I can offer her. Nothing works, nothing fucking helps. The pain is unbearable.
Moments later, I hear her exiting the office. The doors close behind her and yet I stand there for another five minutes, trying to gather myself.
If I had known the last time I kissed her was the last, I never would have stopped.
But what's done is done, and it's better for Willa to stay away. At least this way she won't know about Elise's pregnancy. At least I've protected her from that.
It takes a long time for me to gather my thoughts. I stare at the skyline. If the windows could open here, I'd jump the fuck out right now.
But then I remember Elise and my child growing inside her.
I can't let an innocent being down. I have to be the father I never had. I have to prove to myself this decision was worth it.
I step away from the window.
I sit down at my desk again, take a deep breath and leave my heart in pieces, the way my decision left it, shattered, broken and irreparable.
I tell myself I have to stay away from Willa, knowing full well it'll be the hardest thing I've done in my life.
