AllFreeNovel
Share Us
But she had forgotten something very important.
“I barely survived the first time, Danielle. I don’t know if I can go through it again.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Danielle leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. “You can’t blame him for what happened.”
“I know, and I don’t exactly, but when I needed him, he wasn’t there. Danielle, I lost…” I swallowed hard. Even after all this time, it was hard for me to think about it. “I lost our baby. I know he blames me.”
Blames me for getting knocked up.
Blames me for the loss of our child.
Blames me for the months I spent in bed, unable to cope with it all.
“No. He doesn’t blame you. Look, a miscarriage is hard enough, but you two were so young. You didn’t know how to deal with it. Maybe now you can.”
Dealing with emotions. It was something I should have been a pro at considering I was supposed to be helping other people deal with theirs. Except…
“I dealt with my miscarriage,” I said as I straightened. “And I’ve gotten my life in order. I’m not about to let a hurricane named Brendan Ward wreck it all for me. We just need to have another adult conversation about it and come to a more reasonable conclusion.”
“You and Brendan are going to be reasonable? You two never did anything without passion, and that included fighting.”
“That was a long time ago. We don’t share that kind of passion anymore. In fact, we had dinner a few nights ago, and things were very civil.” I was stretching the truth just a little. There were more than a few instances when I’d been less than civil. He, on the other hand, had been a cool customer the whole time.
“What was it like to see him again? And don’t lie to me.”
“It was… shocking. I mean, I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. He moved back to his hometown. Took over his father’s ranch. Has a lot of money.”
“I don’t suppose he got fat and ugly?” Danielle asked as she leaned across and grabbed a cold slice of pizza. “The way that man filled out a pair of jeans would make any woman’s panties wet.”
I wanted to be mad, but I couldn’t help but agree. “No. He did not get fat and ugly. In fact, he only got better looking with age.”
“You’re still a hot tamale yourself. Maybe if you show him a little shoulder, he’ll be more agreeable. He was so in love with you.”
“Lust,” I corrected automatically. “He was in lust with me.”
“Oh, honey.” She shook her head sadly. “For such a smart cookie, you can sometimes be so dumb.”
Glaring at her, I reached out and snatched the pizza out of her hand. “And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you have unfinished business with Brendan Ward, and if you really want to put this whole mess behind you, you’ll take those few months, spend it with him, and figure it out.”
“I can’t just run off to One-Horse-Town California. Even besides my job and my dissertation, I have a boyfriend.”
Scrunching up her face, Danielle shuddered. “No. No, you are not allowed to call Don your boyfriend. I just can’t handle that. And like I said, you can work on your dissertation while you’re with him. Hell, you might actually get some clarity and really be able to focus on it. Stop searching for excuses.”
She was right, of course, and I hated that. My reasons for refusing Brendan’s proposal were dwindling, but that didn’t change the facts. I just couldn’t be around Brendan and not feel the pain of everything that he represented. I’d failed as a mother. I’d failed as a wife. Hell, now I was failing as an ex-wife.
Shaking my head, I stood. “I just can’t. I’ll just have to tell him no and deal with the consequences.”
After escaping to my room, I closed the door softly and leaned against it. I’d buried all of this, and it was just bubbling to the surface. I couldn’t handle it then, and I just didn’t think that I could handle it now.
Hell, I didn’t care if Brendan never gave me a divorce. It wasn’t like I ever planned to get married again. Brendan could stay my husband until we were both dead and gone, but he’d have to do it quietly and far, far away from me.
CHAPTER SIX
Brendan
“So, you’re still living it up in the city?” Gordon lounged on the hotel bed and swallowed the shot of whiskey that he’d swiped from the wet bar. “When are you going to come to your senses and leave that dusty ranch behind?”
“That dusty ranch pays you a pretty penny in attorney fees,” I muttered as I gazed out the window. Even when I was in college, I always felt out of place in L.A. I’d felt too crowded, too invisible amongst the buildings and millions of people. Ward Ranch was my home.
