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He pulled the zipper up, and I straightened the dress and smoothed a hand down my front. After a few seconds of debate, I used my fingers to part my hair to the side and pulled it over my shoulder. “I guess I’m ready, then.”
“Before we go, I just wanted to thank you.” He cleared his throat and looked away nervously. “I don’t want you to be stressed out about tonight. In fact, I’d like you to have fun. I know that Blackwell is going to be there, but I promise not to push us down his throat.”
I wondered if he had any idea how much that relaxed me. “I’ll try to enjoy myself tonight, and I won’t let you down. This is our first time seeing Blackwell since his surprise visit, so I think that we need to make a good impression.”
“I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for. The other night was amazing, but I think it might be best if we stayed out of the bedroom.” He glanced around the room. “Or my bedroom, at least.”
“What’s wrong with your bedroom?” Where had that come from? Why did I care? The argument was absurd, and I shook my head. “Never mind. Forget that I said that. Let’s just go. I don’t think that I’ve ever been to a festival.”
He put his hand on the small of my back as he led me to the car. “What are you talking about? We went to that Spring Fling festival on campus.”
“No, we were supposed to, but you got distracted on the way there, and we turned around and went home, remember?”
He opened the door for me and smiled as he remembered just exactly what I’d done to distract him. “Don’t even think about it,” I warned as I put my finger up. “We don’t do those kinds of things, remember? The other night was the last time.”
Shaking his head, he closed the door and locked it. “Shame. I’ve got all kinds of good ideas now.”
The festival was being held at the park right next to the ranch, so it was a short ride. The vendors had erected a few rides including a Ferris wheel and some games. There were food trucks circling the whole area, and right smack in the middle was a wood dance floor. Couples were already dancing under the lights that swung from the poles. A live band played a western jig, and I stared at the muddied ground.
“Suddenly, I’m glad Danielle made me get the boots,” I murmured.
“Why don’t we start off with a couple of beers,” he chuckled as he guided me toward one of the food trucks. “Are you hungry?”
“Not yet. But a beer would be great.” I wasn’t really a beer drinker, but I could definitely use a drink, and I didn’t see anyone walking around with glasses of wine or shots of whiskey.
“Okay. Be right back.” He kissed me on the forehead almost absently as he got in line. Alone, I wrapped my arms around myself and shuffled through the crowd to see the attractions. The games were all ranch related. Pin the tail on the horse or cow. Horse races using water guns. Guess how many mini pig toys were in a giant jar. Dunk the mayor.
Everyone looked like they were having an amazing time. Kids were laughing and chasing each other around. The little ones looked so happy. So free…
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Ward. At this point there really isn’t anything we can do,” the doctor said as he pushed his chair back a little.
Brendan’s hand squeezed mine a little too hard, and my blood turned to ice. Surely he wasn’t saying what I thought he was saying. “What?” I whispered.
“Sometimes these things happen. Some women just have a harder time than others…”
His patient voice faded away, and my vision narrowed. My fault. It was my fault. I’d done something wrong. I should have gone to the doctor sooner. I should have known something was wrong. Women’s intuition. Mother’s intuition.
“Jillian,” Brendan whispered as he wiped his thumb on my cheek. His eyes were rimmed with tears, and I realized that I was also crying.
I’d lost his child. Horrified, I pulled my hand back. I didn’t want him to touch me. I didn’t want anyone to touch me. My skin might melt off if was touched.
Turning away from the kids, I swallowed hard as the memories pulled at me, wanting to suck me back into the depression that had claimed my soul for so long.
I needed to focus on something else. Focus on anything else. Women and men flirted and danced. Their smiles were genuine, their laughter real. It was like they didn’t have a care in the world.
None of this was about politics or reputation or trying to impress someone.
