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I growled low in my chest as I read the last of the email.
But, my dear, I shall forgive you for your faults and also forgive you for the current unfortunate situation in which you find yourself. With my blessing, utilize this time to focus on improving your dissertation. When you return to real life, I will fully support a quiet divorce, after which, we shall marry quickly.
A wave of nausea cascaded through me. I grew so dizzy that I nearly fell out of the chair. Standing, I gripped the desk and tried to right myself.
“Jillian? Christ, what’s wrong?” Brendan was at my side and steadying me as he circled his hands around my waist. “Take a deep breath. Maybe you should sit back down.”
“I don’t need to sit down,” I managed as I straightened and braced myself against his body. He was rock-steady as I took a deep breath. “Just a little dizzy spell, that’s all.”
“You’re so pale. What happened, baby?”
I’d just had a good and hard look in the mirror. Nothing major.
“Just looking through my emails.”
“Probably staring at the screen too long. Happens to me all the time,” Cindy declared behind Brendan. “Or maybe it’s because you realized that you’re about the hottest therapist in the city.”
I glared at her. I’d had a long talk with her last night about not discussing the invitation with anyone and that included Brendan. Once again, my words had gone through one ear and out the other.
“Easy,” Brendan murmured as he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. “Keep breathing. Want me to get you some water?”
“No, I’m fine.” I didn’t want him to move. I wanted him to stay right where he was and just keep on holding me.
Cindy sighed. “Honestly, Jillian. I hardly thought you were the type to wilt in the face of fame and fortune.”
“What the hell is she talking about?’ Brendan grumbled.
“Didn’t you know? Joyce Reid wants Jillian on her talk show. Rising therapist to the stars. Jillian is the hottest thing right now, and everyone wants a shot at introducing her to the world. Personally, I think that Jillian can do better than Joyce Reid. Sure, she has a popular morning talk show, but she could totally get into one of those prime time shows.”
Brendan’s whole body tensed, and he slowly pulled away. “Is that true? You’re going to be on a talk show?”
I cleared my throat. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“Good,” he snapped. “The answer is no. You’re here to be my wife, not be some famous therapist.”
The air crackled with tension as I slowly straightened. Even Cindy took a step back. “Excuse me?” I said softly. “I didn’t come here to play little ranch wifey. I came here because you blackmailed me into it, remember? Our agreement is over in a few weeks, and I can accept anything that I want after that.”
“A few weeks?” Cindy dared to toe the line in the middle of the confrontation. “You’ll be old news by then. You need to do it now. Next week at the latest. Grab the bull by the horns. This is your opportunity to show them how good you are.”
“How good she is?” Brendan laughed. “You showed up on my doorstep in tears because you didn’t win some stupid award. You think that’s an example of Jillian being a good therapist? She buried her entire past, remade herself, and refuses to deal with her own grief.”
“Don’t you dare,” I hissed.
I had so much more to say, but Cindy burst into tears. As she raced from the stable, I hesitated between my two choices. Set things right with my friend or continue to fight with my husband.
“You’re a bastard,” I growled as I started off to soothe my friend.
“Sure, run away like you always do.”
“I didn’t run away, Brendan.” My voice was cold as I turned back toward him. “I asked for space. You asked for a divorce. You want to know why we didn’t work out? Take a good hard look in the mirror.”
By the time I caught up with Cindy, the anger that was churning inside me was turning into something else. Fear. Was this always how it was going to be with Brendan and me? Great in bed but walled off by the ghost of the things that could have been?
Cindy was sobbing in Hoss’s lap in the guest room. He looked uncomfortable but made no move to remove the weeping actress.
“Can you give us a minute,” I asked quietly. The guard nodded and easily lifted Cindy to the bed. When he closed the door behind him, I took a deep breath. “Cindy, what Brendan said was uncalled for, but he wasn’t really lashing out at you. He’s lashing out at me.”
“He’s right, though,” she whispered. “I’m pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic.” I wanted to shake the woman. “You live in a different world than we do. A world with different pressure points. All eyes are on you all the time. When you don’t win that award, it’s not just a personal failure. It’s a public one, and it’s difficult to deal with. It takes time to grow a thick skin in Hollywood. It takes time to grow a thick skin anywhere.”
