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I’ll be here when you change your mind.
It really could be that easy. I could just pick up the phone, tell him to come get me, and he’d probably break the speed limit to get here. That was the kind of man Brendan was. We could be together, and my child could have a father.
But the pain that I’d felt knowing that he’d so easily lied to me still clung to me, and it was just a taste of what I’d felt before.
I didn’t know that I could go through that again.
“Are you going to tell him?” Danielle leaned against the doorway and studied me. The first thing that I’d told her when I got home was that I was pregnant. I needed someone to lean on, and I knew that she wouldn’t let me down.
“When I know that it’s going to be healthy.” Forcing a smile, I sipped from my mug. “I might just lose it. Last time, the doctor said that future pregnancies might not be easy for me, so there’s no need to say anything until I know for sure.”
“And then?”
“Lots of people have kids and don’t get back together,” I said loftily as I shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll want to be a part of the child’s life, and I want him to be. We’ll figure out a schedule.”
“So neat and orderly. Just like that.” Danielle sighed and walked in so that she could climb in the bed. “Jillian, you’re hurting. Everyone within a mile of you can feel it. I know Brendan lied to you, and in any other circumstance, I’d happily call him a jackass, but he was just trying to buy you guys a little bit more time.”
“I would have given it to him if he’d told me the truth.”
“Would you, though? Because the last time we talked, you told me that you were afraid you were living in a fantasy world. When that deal went through and reality hit you, were you really going to stay? Or were you going to come back here anyway and blame it on something that was easy for you to handle. Like your career.”
“Excuse me?” I narrowed my eyes and glared at her. “I don’t use my career as an excuse.”
She didn’t back down. “It was the only reason you could see that you and Brendan couldn’t work, and I have no doubt that you would cling to it if it meant it would keep you safe. Jillian, you’ve been afraid to open up for so long that you don’t even see it, do you?”
“I don’t like where this is going,” I said unhappily. “I thought that you would support me.”
“I’m here for you, Jillian.” Her eyes softened. “No matter what decision you make. You know that, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to give it to you straight. You love that man, and if you let him slip through your fingers, you’ll only have yourself to blame.”
I waited for the anger to surge through me. I struggled to find the words to hurl at her, but I came up empty because I knew she was probably right. Once Brendan had given me a way out, I would have taken it.
I used to fight tooth and nail for what I wanted, and now I couldn’t even put up a little struggle.
Slowly putting the tea down, I sank into the mattress. “I’m tired. I think I’m going to go to bed.”
Leaning over, she kissed me on the forehead. “You have a big day tomorrow, and you’re going to need your beauty sleep if you’re going to look good on television.”
Chuckling, I leaned against her. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Yes, but if you try and cop a feel, I’m outta here,” she teased as she slipped under the covers. I joined her and closed my eyes.
“Do you think we can possibly make it work?” I asked softly as she leaned over and turned out the lamp. The darkness settled around us, and I tried to relax.
“I think that if you want something bad enough, you can make it work. And you should want that happily ever after because you deserve it.”
Happily ever after.
It was a phrase I hadn’t thought of in a long time. I’d spent so much time trying to focus on surviving that I’d completely forgotten to focus on my happiness.
Maybe now it was time.
***
“You are just perfect for television!” Cindy sighed as she watched the hair and makeup artist do me over. She’d just finished a few minutes ago, but the backstage manager was still trying to prep me. I think she and everyone else was nervous since I had no experience in front of the camera.
“After Joyce goes through how you and Cindy met, she’s going to question you on how you specifically help Cindy.”
