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“Only that you talk like someone from a Victorian novel. Who says qualms anymore?”
“Well-educated individuals who read lots of books. Speaking of which, how are your classes going?” He loves to check in about school.
“Really smooth transition, Dad. They’re rough, especially online.” Lies.
As of last week after Germany, I dropped my two classes and pushed my graduation back a semester. My palm shook as I pressed the withdraw button after speaking to Liam’s parents and researching art with kids. I made one of the rashest decisions of my life all by myself. No one knows about my recent life change. Not even Liam, who has lately become my go-to for all things related to me.
If that doesn’t say personal progress, I don’t know what does.
My dad tilts his head. “And what do you plan on doing after you graduate?”
“I’m not sure yet.” The words barely make it past my lips. I hate lying, but I hate lying to my dad so much more.
“There has to be some internship or something you want to pursue. Either that or get yourself signed up for a master’s degree so you can pass your accounting exams.”
That idea sounds about as fun as getting a root canal.
“What’s the rush?” I avert his gaze.
“You need to start planning your life and getting ready for the next big step. You’ve had fun traveling with me for months, but it’s time to head back home in two weeks.”
Home. An idea that used to bring me comfort reminds me of how hollow I feel. Somewhere along the way this year, my heart found a home somewhere else. Particularly with a German man who offers nightly cuddles and toe-curling morning kisses.
The tightness in my chest pushes me to ignore the thought.
Rick’s nuclear bomb of a secret makes my chest ache and my stomach churn. I struggle to comprehend how Liam battles cutting me out of his life. It’s like a sad re-enactment of some television show deciding whether to cast me out of the island or not. I don’t want to be pushed away and forgotten, but I don’t want Liam to lose his shot at winning a World Championship.
My dad’s voice rumbles. “It’s okay to be afraid of your future and what comes next. No one likes failing. But I’ve taught you to get up, brush the dirt off your knees, and try again.”
“What happens if I don’t want to get up?” You know, because my heart lies around me in a million pieces.
“I raised you to rise above your challenges. Whether it happens in a minute or a day. You will get up. It’s not a matter of if, but when.”
My dad, wise beyond his years and about one step away from creating his TED Talk.
“Of course, you can say that. You’re you. A badass who doesn’t take shit from anyone.” I grumble as I shove a fluffy piece of pancake in my mouth.
“I’ve had my fair share of bad days. Hell, I raised you on my own with no parents to help. Only you, me, and a few parenting books to figure out if I was going about things the right way. There’s no self-doubt quite as grand as that of parenthood.”
My smile wobbles. “You did your best.”
“You bet your ass I did. You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I wouldn’t change a thing. Some dads want a son—someone to create into their prodigy. But you captured my best traits. I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”
“Glad you put that out there because I checked with the hospital and the return policy is a bit sketchy.”
He shakes his head and laughs. “Anyone who hears you wouldn’t doubt you’re my daughter.”
“After all, I did learn from the best.” I shoot him a small smile, pushing away my bad mood for later.
* * *
I’m still a hot, indecisive mess after Rick’s confession yesterday. Emphasis on the hot because the least I can do is boost my self-esteem.
Earlier, Maya asked me to join her with setting up a game for Liam and Jax to play during a vlog. I drag my feet toward the McCoy garage, grumbling under my breath.
“What made you so grumpy?” Maya fumbles with her camera settings while we wait for the guys. McCoy’s pit crew works around us, busying themselves with pre-race prep, while we wait outside the garage.
“Nothing. Just tired and didn’t sleep well last night.”
