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“It was sloppy, wet, with his teeth chewing on my lip while his tongue waged an unwanted World War against mine. So much went wrong. He even copped a feel despite it being our first date.” I try not to laugh at the memory.
Maya giggles enough for the two of us. “Stop. He felt you up? That’s awful when everyone knows that’s second-date material.”
“Nope. I was the unlucky victim of too much tongue and not enough common sense.”
Maya wipes away a tear that escaped her eye. “I can’t believe this happened to you.”
“You’re telling me. I think he may have licked a drop of blood that fell from my lip after he bit into me. How very Dracula of him.”
She looks at me with wide eyes. “What did you do then?”
“I kneed him in the balls and walked away, only looking back to catch him curled up in a fetal position. My dad didn’t raise a fool. He made me take self-defense classes as part of the deal for living on campus instead of at home. Thanks to him, I can kick a dummy’s ass into tomorrow. Just ask my sensei.”
She seals her nail polish bottle. “Please tell me you at least lost your virginity in a normal way.”
I throw myself on the sectional, covering my eyes with my arm. “Ugh, I wish. If only life was that easy or fair. Truly I’ve had one disappointing, anti-climactic romantic encounter after another. Losing my V-card was nothing extraordinary. Everything went downhill once the guy asked me which hole he was supposed to stick his dick inside. He couldn’t find my vagina on his own, let alone my G-spot.”
Maya cackles, the sound of her laugh bouncing off the walls, making me join her despite my less-than-ideal stories. Glad my tragedies bring someone happiness. It’s a sort of Shakespearean masterpiece if I do say so myself.
Her eyes glimmer under the hotel lights. “You have a way with words. Keep going, do not leave me hanging like this.”
I sit, tucking my legs under me. “If you insist. Well, I liked the guy I was interested in losing it to. Paul, from my Intro to Statistics class, which should have been a warning bell because his name alone sounds basic and ordinary. Anyway, I knew I wasn’t holding out for Prince Charming. I needed someone who could get the job over with and who I felt a semblance of a connection. After a couple of dates, we decided to give it a go in the bedroom. But he didn’t tell me he also was a virgin. So, on top of everything, the whole experience was awkward with him coming first, unable to last more than two minutes. There was no happy ending for me. I think my brain represses most of that night to save me from embarrassment and bad memories. A kind of self-induced blackout minus the alcohol.”
“Oh, no. Are you serious?” She covers her heart with her hand. “You didn’t even have your first orgasm after you gave up your virginity?”
“Dead serious. Paul was a five-minute man, foreplay included. After eighteen years of hype, I had a no go for the O. What a letdown.”
“Any better experiences?” She looks hopeful, but unfortunately, I have nothing good to report. This is the exact reason I created my list in the first place.
I shake my head. “Some situations here and there. But honestly, I’ve been with a total of three guys, none of whom knew what they were doing. I blame my small university with a limited pool of eligible bachelors who can balance a checkbook quicker than they can make me come.”
“You’d definitely know if you have, so I’m going to go with no, which makes my heart ache for you. This must be rectified.” She claps her hands excitedly.
I grin at her, not ready to tell her my secret. She doesn’t need to worry because I’ve got big plans. Just me, my list, and months of adventure.
