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I fail to hide my look of horror.
“Anyway, tell me your confession.” Maya gestures for me to continue with her spoon.
“Well, I met Claudia.”
Maya’s inhale of breath says it all. “Tell me all about her. I’m assuming it went terrible based on your frown.”
“Yup. She’s as vile as they describe her. She called me a tart like she’s from the nineteen hundreds or something. And then she tried to give me some womanly advice.”
“Oh, no.” She groans. My feeling exactly, wrapped up in one grunt.
“Oh, yes!” I stab my ice cream with my spoon.
Maya’s eyes twinkle. She finds amusement in the worst things, and although I love that kind of optimism, it does little to ease my growing irritation.
“But that’s not the worst part.”
Maya stops her spoon midway to her mouth, chocolate ice cream dripping onto her pants as she waits. “Okay. Don’t leave me hanging here…”
“Liam kissed me.” I evade her eyes.
“He what?” Maya screeches, making my ears ring.
“I know. And even worse, it wasn’t terrible.” I peek at her from the corner of my eye.
“You’re not stamping his kiss with a glowing recommendation here.”
My cheeks heat at the memory. “No, it was amazing. That’s the problem. And now I can say with certainty that it’s not a fluke because I actually kissed him in Canada.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Maya pouts.
“I was afraid to admit it while stupidly denying my attraction toward him. It didn’t die down during summer break. Instead, everything feels more intense. How is it possible?”
“You both have this magnetic energy with one another. Everyone sees it except for you two.”
All right, Maya, the ever-observant one. If only she applied these skills to herself.
I sit in silence, unsure how to approach the conversation.
Maya turns her whole body toward me. “Okay, and then what happened after he kissed you tonight?”
“I kissed him back. Duh. And then he asked me to be friends with benefits.”
Maya’s eyebrows draw together, the pinched look adding a couple temporary wrinkles to her forehead. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“What do you mean? Nothing else can happen besides that. And nothing will change between us because we’re adults who can separate feelings from sexy time.”
Maya laughs wholeheartedly. “Oh my God. Please never say that again. Like ever.”
“Is it a bad idea?” Doubt seeps into my head.
“Probably. But you’re committed to the plan and Liam doesn’t look like the type to give up. What’s your aversion to developing something serious with him anyway?”
I spend a minute thinking it over. Maya sits comfortably in the silence and eats her ice cream.
“His past, his future. Because no one, including him, knows what he’ll be doing next year. And I’ll be back in uni finishing up my degree.”
“You can’t predict the future, no matter how hard you try to control everything in your life. Sometimes the best changes aren’t the ones you plan for. And with school, you’ve told me a few times you don’t really love it. Do you really want to keep pursuing something that doesn’t make you happy?”
“I never imagined making my dad happy would cause as much suffering as it has. I don’t know right from wrong, smart from dumb, or pro from con anymore. My brain feels more confused than ever before and I can’t exactly blame a kiss for it.”
Instead of giving me comfort, following my dad’s plan suffocates me and holds me back, providing an illusion of a safety net. In reality, I’ve created a shiny cage, hiding myself in the name of not wanting to disappoint my dad.
I want to live my life to the fullest. Rather than taking risks, I’ve spent my life blaming my dad for locking me up in a tower and setting unrealistic expectations. Part of me wonders if I’ve been just as willing to never test myself and break free from what’s expected of me.
It looks like it’s time to find out.
