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“Prinzessin Rapunzel?”
I erupt from laughter at Kaia’s question. Since I’ve been a grade-A dick with my nieces, I forgot how funny and honest kids are.
“It doesn’t take a genius to guess what she said.” Sophie smiles.
“Sei nicht sprechen Deutsch.” I shake my head at Kaia who switches to English as she talks to Elyse. Sophie looks at me with wonder, and I can’t help smiling at her.
“I haven’t heard you speak German before.”
I raise my brows. “You think it’s sexy?”
“I refuse to answer that.” She hides her laugh with a cough before addressing the kids. “Anyway, I’m not Rapunzel but we can watch her on YouTube. Your daddy is going to go have some fun while we hang out together. Don’t tell him, but we’re going to have a better time.”
Kaia and Elyse each grab one of Sophie’s hands and they spread out on the McCoy floor, no longer paying us any attention.
I can’t help the way my heart clenches at watching Sophie with my nieces. An unsolicited image of her hanging out with a kid who looks like me flashes through my mind. It’s a complete mindfuck out of nowhere. Since I don’t know what the hell to make of it, I pretend the thought never happened.
Seems easier than admitting I’m growing attached to Sophie.
I show my brother the two cars I picked out for us to drive, leaving behind Sophie and the girls, wanting to put some distance between us.
Lukas runs a hand across the glossy paint, smiling at the attendant who passes him the flame-retardant gear and a helmet. “I’m surprised you invited me here. You’ve been so busy over the past two years; I didn’t think you’d have time.”
“I thought some sibling time was overdue. It’s been a long time.” I take a good look at my brother, facing him head-on for the first time in too long. Lukas looks healthy, his eyes no longer sunken in or his skin uncharacteristically pale. His smiles reach his eyes. They have a sheen to them I haven’t seen in some time, no longer plagued with the hauntings of his past.
I’m envious of him. For the first time, I’m the one being held back while he moves forward in life. It’s a sick cosmic joke.
“I miss you. You can call me every now and then, you know? It’s not like I do much besides work and take care of the girls.”
Guilt scratches away at my nonchalance. “I should. I’ve been an idiot, and I’m sorry.”
“No need for apologies. Just be better. You’ve skipped out on Kaia’s birthday for the past two years and it’s so obvious to everyone why you do it. I’m not mad at you, I’m just concerned.”
“I’m fine. You and our parents always worry, but I love my life.”
“That’s good. I sure hope you do with all the sacrifices you make. I don’t know how you handle all the traveling and snooty people. You couldn’t pay me enough to trade in my family and my home because life on the road sounds like my personal hell.”
I hate the way his words pick at my doubts. Seeing as I’ve done enough self-reflection this season to last me a lifetime, I brush aside his comments. “Why don’t you stop talking and hop in the cockpit? I’ll show you how great life is behind the wheel.”
“Let’s go, hotshot. You always did talk a big game.”
“At least I back it up with trophies.” I shoot him a goofy grin.
We both hop into our cars. I show Lukas how it feels to live my life, how the adrenaline high I chase beats nothing else.
I can’t help questioning my life choices while driving around the track. The kernel of something growing in my chest is tough to ignore. Lukas commenting on my life on the road adds to my rising distress about my contract next year.
It’s difficult to fight the urge I have to return to the pit, hug Sophie, and save her all for myself. I want to seal us off from the world and the screwed-up people in it trying to keep us apart. How the hell am I supposed to pretend I don’t want to keep her after the season and not let her go back to Milan?
And damn if that thought doesn’t scare me more than anything else.
