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He laughs, holding me to his chest. “I like my ego stroked.”
“Among other things.”
The shaking of his chest pulls a smile from me. “So, is this everything you dreamed of?”
I’m not sure which dream he refers to. The one of him finally opening up to me and giving us a chance or my dream of attending a hot-air balloon festival. To be safe, I go with the latter option.
“I told myself I would go to one of these when I was older.”
“Why older? Why not now?” His fingers interlace with mine against the railing. A trail of heat snakes up my arm straight to my chest.
“I wanted to go when I felt like I had moved on from everything in my past. I wanted it to be this big moment of letting go.”
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”
“How so?”
“I don’t think anyone ever truly moves on. You can heal, sure, but letting go insinuates you don’t want to remember anymore. And the memories aren’t the problem. The mistake people make in life is that they assume pain is bad. But really, pain means you feel something. It means you’re alive. It’s about using it as a weapon rather than a weakness. So, heal yourself, but don’t let go of the memories. They’re what make you so very you.”
I sit with his words. “That was...well, wow.” No other words come to me. All I know is that I want to soak up this new version of Jax until there’s nothing left of him. When Jax was an asshole to me, I struggled between wanting him and disliking him. But this version of him is intoxicating.
Jax turns me around, pushing my back against the glass. He cups my face before planting a soft kiss on my lips. “I want your pain. I want the demons who linger in the darkest part of your brain. Share the scary thoughts with me and share the happy ones. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. I’m done resisting what I should’ve taken a long time ago.”
“And that is?”
“You. It’s always been you. I was screwed ever since you walked into that McCoy conference room when Liam needed help. Even when I made it my mission to have you stay the fuck away from me. Especially when you were vulnerable with me. I want to be broken with you.”
“That’s not usually how it works.”
He leans in, his lips brushing mine. “Fuck the usual. I don’t want to be picture-perfect with you. I want to be a fucking mosaic, made up of broken pieces so damn colorful, you can’t help finding them beautiful.”
33
Elena
“Happy birthday, sweet child of mine!” Vera rises from the breakfast table to give Jax a hug.
Today is Jax’s birthday? Obviously, he mentioned being a Gemini, but I didn’t put two and two together. “It’s your birthday?”
He grins. “Yeah. I don’t usually make a big deal of it, though.”
“I’ll never understand why he prefers to spend them with his old parents. Every summer it’s the same with him.” Vera rolls her eyes.
Jax sits next to me. Jackie places Jax’s cup of tea and breakfast in front of him.
He steals a piece of bacon off my plate. “Nothing I like more than spending the day with the most important people in my life.”
“I’ll take it, seeing as the only other option is hanging out with those party people you always get in trouble with,” Vera says.
“What do you like to do?” I scan Jax’s face, taking in his easygoing smile. Day by day he grows more relaxed.
“I have some traditions.”
“Like?”
“Oh, it’s much better if we show you,” Vera chimes in.
I offer her a small smile. “Whatever the birthday boy wants…”
