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“No. I’m hanging with Sophie. I thought he was with you?”
I frown, double-checking the rooms of our suite again. Ever since London, we started sharing a room. His Docs are thrown in a corner beside my favorite pair of heels, and my makeup is lined up on the bathroom counter next to his razor. It’s domestic and unlike anything I would’ve imagined.
My search comes up empty. “No. He hasn’t answered my calls. Earlier, he texted me, saying he was spending time with you today.”
“He’ll turn up. Maybe he went out with some friends after practice rounds. Give Noah a call because maybe he’s heard from him.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I hang up and have a similar conversation with Noah after I interrupted his early dinner with Maya and Santi. I text everyone who hangs out with Jax, including Connor, but no one has any idea where he is.
I send another text asking Jax to call me. My gut tells me something isn’t right, but I can’t figure out why. Instead of worrying myself sick, I take a long bubble bath, hoping a bath bomb can calm me down.
My phone beeps while I’m in the tub. I rush out, dripping water everywhere as I grab a towel and wrap it around my body.
Jax’s name lights up my screen and I answer. “Hey, where have you been? I’ve been worried and thought something happened.” I let out a sigh of relief.
“My bad. My parents flew in as a surprise and I’ve been with them all day. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.” His voice sounds strained and out of the ordinary.
“Oh.” Disappointment fills me at the lack of an invite.
“Yeah. They’re staying at one of my dad’s rentals, so I decided to spend the night with them. Will you be good by yourself tonight?”
Giddiness consumes me at his concern. “I’ve slept alone for twenty-five years. I think I can survive one night without my personal bodyguard. Plus, I always have my super cool, totally adult nightlights someone got me.”
He doesn’t laugh, replacing my happiness with worry. “I want to make sure you’ll be okay. If I’m not there…” His voice trails off.
“It’s one night so no big deal. You can make it up to me with extra cuddles tomorrow.”
“Right.”
A gnawing sensation inside of me tells me something is wrong, but Jax doesn’t seem open to sharing right now. I don’t want to be an annoying girlfriend or anything when we’re new. “I guess I’ll meet you at the track tomorrow if you’re staying with your parents tonight.”
“Sure.” He lets out a resigned sigh.
“Is everything okay?”
He doesn’t respond right away. “Not really. But it will be eventually.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Jax pauses. “I’m sorry.” He doesn’t say anything else.
“I’ll let you go then so you can spend time with your parents.” I hide the hurt in my voice at his distance.
“Take care.” Jax hangs up, not giving me a chance to ask what he means.
After watching an episode on TV and turning on my nightlights, I shut my eyes, drifting into unconsciousness.
43
Jax
Mum begs me not to leave the apartment. Even Dad asks me to stay and talk to them—to not ruin everything good that has happened to me this season. I don’t listen to their pleas. I’m committed to fucking myself over in the worst way possible to save the best thing in my life.
Earlier, it took everything in me to lie to Elena and not confess the disastrous news I found out. To ask her to love me anyway, disease and all. But I can’t do that to her.
After everything with her grandma, I refuse to be another burden in her life. I can’t drag her down with me, hoping she’ll be okay with never having children of her own. I definitely can’t ask her to choose a relationship with someone who will wither away like a starved plant as he grows older. Bloody hell, I won’t fuck like I used to, let alone worship her like she deserves.
Every painful decision I make tonight is for her.
