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“I’m tired of being in my room. You all get to be out here, having fun and laughing. I hate hearing it.”
Liam rises from the floor. “You were invited, but you decided to act like an asshole instead. Don’t be mad at us.”
“I’m always mad lately.” Jax sighs. His dilated eyes find mine across the small space, and my breath hitches. I thought he was improving and laying off the Xanax.
“And whose fault is that? You can talk to us if you want.” Noah’s eyes reflect the concern I feel.
“There’s no point. You will all move on, and I’ll be alone.”
“You’ll never be by yourself because you’re stuck with us.” Sophie shoots Jax a genuine smile.
“And what about them?” Jax points a shaky finger at Elías and me. “You’re going to ditch me to hang with this new couple?”
“It’s not like that and you know it.” I somehow find my voice despite my throat clogging up.
Jax’s eyes slide from Elías to me. “If Elías fucks her, I’m going to get angry.”
Elías sighs. “Focus on yourself. Seriously, you have nothing to worry about.”
“I’m not worrying. She might be with you, but based on the way she looks at me, she’d rather be with me. You must be a sucky lay if your girlfriend is lusting after another bloke.” Jax attempts to swat Liam’s helping hands away, but Liam doesn’t let up.
“That’s it. You’re done for the night.” Liam grabs onto Jax and helps him back into his room. Everyone remains wide-eyed and silent as Liam shuts the door to the bedroom after pushing Jax inside.
The joking mood from earlier is gone, replaced with worry and unease. No one protests when we end up calling it a night. Everyone leaves, including Sophie and Maya, claiming they need some girl time.
Minutes pass without any sign of Liam. Growing anxious, I pace the small living room. Why is Liam taking this long? My head snaps toward Jax’s door once it opens.
Liam puts a finger toward his lips. He tilts his head toward the main hotel door, and I follow him.
“I don’t know what’s happening to him this season. He won’t open up, and fuck, I’ve tried my hardest.”
“Of all people I would’ve expected to know about what’s going on with him, it would’ve been you.”
“We’re best friends, but I can’t even get him to admit what’s been eating away at him for the past few months. I feel like I’m failing him in some way. He always had these random bouts of sadness and anxiety, but it’s increased ever since winter break last year. Keep an eye on him and these.” Liam passes me an orange bottle of pills. “I don’t think he’s abusing them or anything because they wouldn’t let him drive if that were the case. But I’m worried he might start, especially after tonight. Xanax is clearly not helping him cope with whatever the hell is bothering him. He should consider better options.”
“Options?”
“Xanax is known to be highly addictive, to the point that the UK avoids prescribing it. I’m going to have a talk with him and offer to help find a better alternative. Pills aren’t bad, but those aren’t the best for an athlete like him.”
Shit. I stare at the bottle, wishing I could help more than just with Jax’s image. Maybe the therapy sessions aren’t enough for whatever is happening inside of his head. Our help can only go so far if he continues down this road of numbing his pain.
“I better get going. Maybe you can get through to him. He acts differently around you, both in a good and bad way.” Liam leaves with a goodbye.
My heart settles down after a few minutes of eyeing Jax’s pill bottle. An idea hits me, and I scramble to my room for some paper and a pen.
I sneak into Jax’s room an hour later to place the pill bottle on his nightstand. Hopefully, my idea has some impact, however small.
I take a moment to peek at him. He looks peaceful as he sleeps, clutching onto a pillow. Something stirs within me. I want to help Jax get out of his dark place. Not for a contract and definitely not for money. He acts lost and defeated, hiding behind pills and secrets.
Instead of following my intuition warning me to give up and run away, I give in to the devil on my shoulder telling me to help him at any expense.
But that’s the thing about costs. None of us knows the price we’re willing to pay to be someone’s redemption.
17
Jax
When I first started karting, I loved the pre-race jitters. I lived for the adrenaline high before a race, the buzz of the crowd fueling me. The chemical rush coursing through my body fed my addiction to adrenaline.
