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Elías stops in place. He stares at his hands, still not looking at me. “I don’t like Elena like that because I’m gay.”
Of all the things I expected Elías to say, his confession wouldn’t have made the list. If what he says is true, then I’m the biggest idiot on this planet.
Scratch that. Biggest arsehole on this side of the universe.
“Shit. For real?”
He sighs. “Yeah, dumbass. You’ve been jealous of a gay dude hanging with his best friend.”
“Wow…I mean, you’re…well, you. I didn’t expect that.” I find my ability to produce words mind-boggling.
“Why? Because I race cars and like manly shit, that means I’m not gay? Everyone’s perceptions and stigmas are the very reason I keep it a secret in the first place,” he snaps back, staring into my eyes for the first time.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just, you never hinted at it.”
“Your reaction is exactly the reason why. It’s my secret. One that only Elena, and now you, know.”
I try to wipe my face of surprise. “Why are you telling me this then?”
“Elena doesn’t deserve your bullshit anymore about us—especially since she helps you all the damn time and you act like a child. The least I can do is make her life a little easier. You want to be a dick to her because of other reasons? Fine. But I’m not going to let you sit and be a jealous idiot over someone who’d rather fuck People Magazine’s Sexiest Man of the Year.”
I laugh. “Well, at least I don’t need to give her a hard time about you anymore.”
“You need to stop giving her a hard time. Period. You’ll regret it.”
“If only life were that easy.”
Elías nods. “Life is never easy. Coming in here and telling you my secret to help my friend? Hardest shit I’ve had to do in a while. Trusting you despite barely knowing you? Even worse. From what I hear, you tend to have loose lips when you get intoxicated, so I’m not exactly thrilled to confide in you.”
Shit. I’m floored he trusts me enough to tell me this in the first place. And his reasoning behind it is something I not only respect, but slightly envy because I don’t have his kind of balls. Him willing to sacrifice himself to protect his friend is a personality trait I can’t exactly ignore.
Elías is a bloody good mate. No wonder Elena is drawn to him.
“I’ll keep your secret. I swear it.” I mean every word. “I may be a dick, but I’d never betray your confidence like that. What you did for Elena is admirable.”
Damn, Elías. He’s becoming more likable in my eyes every day.
“But you’re still going to be distant with her? Despite knowing I’m not going to make a move?”
I guess Elena didn’t confess how we were anything but distant yesterday. Little does he know that I pushed for less distance but was met with her resistance. “We have too many obstacles in our way.”
And fuck, I’m the biggest one of them all.
19
Elena
Time doesn’t heal heartbreak. It’s a stupid phrase meant to instill hope. In reality, moving on has yet to heal my heart. And God knows I’ve tried.
Every year it’s the same feeling. The despair overrides everything else in my life on the anniversary of my parents’ death. Responsibilities get put on the backburner while I spend the day mourning the life they should’ve had.
Elías left hours ago, making sure I was fed despite my resistance to his offerings all day.
I step out onto the balcony of the hotel. The Monaco racetrack is so close, I can see the lights from here.
I look up at the star-filled sky, tears pricking my eyes as I think of my parents. “When will it get easier? Every year I try to pretend it’s okay, but instead I end up avoiding everyone. I feel guilty I’m here while you both aren’t. Spending time with others on the anniversary…it reminds me of everything you both lost.” I whisper the words up to the sky. “I wish Papi was here to see me use English every day. I think he’d be proud of how little of an accent I have now. And sometimes I pretend Mami is here singing into my ear, telling me everything will turn out all right. I’d like to think she’d be fussing with Abuela about the lack of grandkids by now, too.”
I sound crazy, talking to myself. “God, sometimes I feel so lonely, even with Elías and Abuela. It’s not the same without you two.”
