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Neither one of us starts a conversation, and minutes pass us by. I find the awkward silence unbearable.
I take a deep breath, sucking up the last bits of courage I can muster up. “
I want to start today off by saying I’m sorry for throwing everything on you like I did before. I realize it wasn’t fair to you.”
Matteo’s eyes grow wide as he leans back in his chair. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“But I do. I freaked you out, and I didn’t want that. I thought it would be easier if I spent all this time with you beforehand, but now I know that wasn’t the case.” I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear, giving my hands something to do.
“It was shocking, to say the least.”
“I know. I’m sorry again.”
“Please stop apologizing. It’s not your fault.”
My cheeks heat. “Oh, okay.”
He repeatedly taps his fingers against his knee. “What made you want to take the genetic test to begin with?”
“Well, um… Are you sure you want to know why?”
“Chloe, I’m not going to judge you. I don’t think anything else you can say will surprise me.”
His relaxed state sets me at ease.
“Okay...well, my life has never been easy. And I’m not telling you this for pity, but only because it’s the truth and the whole reason why I took the test. I’m not ashamed of where I came from, but I don’t want to shock you any more than I already have.”
He shoots me a small smile. “Consider me unable to be shocked any more at this point.”
I laugh. It feels good to release the tension from my body. “Okay. Well, my mother—not that I think it reflects on you or anything—is awful. Seriously, I can’t believe I’m related to her or that she attracted someone as nice as you in the first place.”
Matteo winces.
Shit, Chloe, be a little nicer, won’t you? “She made my life miserable while I was growing up, and all I did was wish every year that I would find you. It’s what kept me sane in a place that was anything but.”
Matteo’s cheeks lose their healthy coloring. Oh, God, I’m botching this again.
“No pressure or anything. I swear!” I raise my hands in a way to placate him. “I had hoped my father would be interested in developing a better relationship with me than my mother. And since she claimed she didn’t remember who my dad was, I couldn’t exactly find him. But then my roommate bought me an ancestry kit for my birthday and—”
“You found me.”
“Yup. I couldn’t believe it, to be honest. I mean—It was like something you see in a movie. But here I am, sitting with you.”
He nods. “I took the test after someone gave it to me as a gift. I was curious to see where my ancestors were from, but I didn’t expect it to connect me to anyone.”
“I’m glad that you took it.” I lace my fingers together in front of me.
Matteo’s eyes soften. “What was it like growing up with your mother?”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
He nods, but he looks very unsure.
I settle with telling him the truth because I might as well rip the Band-Aid off now. “It’s obvious she used me for the government payout. I hated living with her, but my first social worker kept trying to reunify us and give her a chance. That was until she started dating Ralph. Her boyfriend was creepy with me, and I caught him in my room on multiple occasions. I lived every day in fear, hoping there was something better for me in the world.”
It’s the rawest I’ve been with someone about my situation. I might have accepted my history, but it doesn’t make the facts any easier to swallow. Instead of hiding the stirring emotions inside of me, I raise my chin and look Matteo in the eyes.
This is me. I rally. I fight. I make it through the day in hopes of a better tomorrow.
