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Kissing down the side of my neck, he whispered, “We’re just getting started.” Nudging my legs apart, he pulled one of my thighs over the top of his, until our bodies formed an entwined letter S. I felt his hands exploring my back, and then exploring a whole new part of me. At first it was just a finger, painful at first, but the pain quickly subsided and gave way to a wide, delicious fullness. I felt my stomach drop the same thrilling way it did when I skied over the ridge. Then he entered me from behind, not in the way I was expecting. The feeling was intensely, excruciatingly pleasurable. He clutched me hard to keep me close to him.
“Is it okay? Are you okay?” he whispered, tenderly combing my wet hair away from my face and neck.
“Yes,” I said. “Yes. It feels so … it’s a good hurt.”
“I can stop anytime. You sure it feels good?”
I nodded again, because it did, it felt so good, and so intimate, this thing we were doing. I clutched a fistful of the sheets and pulled them to me as the full sensation gave way to a wave of intense pleasure that moved through my whole body. This was something I would never in a million years have thought I’d want to try. But here I was saying “yes, yes, yes” as he inched inside me even deeper and brought his hand around and under me, making me wetter and wetter. I came again, pushing backwards into him, the abandon I felt hard to contain. I needed this kind of release, in this place, in this room, in this bed, with this man who seemed put here to take me through this experience.
“I’m going to come. You’re making me come now,” he said, clutching my center with one hand, bending me farther forward as he bit softly into my shoulder, his other hand caressing my breasts. When he was done, he subsided with the gentlest tug and we both shifted onto our backs, his hand across my stomach, to look at the ornate ceiling that neither of us had noticed until just then.
“That was … intense,” he said.
“I know,” I said, still gasping for air.
I had done something new and it was thrilling, but now I was feeling a bit vulnerable. This man wasn’t from S.E.C.R.E.T. There had been no Step to accept, just a plunge into all-new terrain. Theo must have sensed my shift in mood. “You okay?”
“I am. I just … I’ve never done that in my life. I don’t normally pick up strangers and take them to bed,” I said. Despite the fact that the men from S.E.C.R.E.T. were technically strangers, the women from S.E.C.R.E.T. knew them.
“So what if you did? Where’s the crime in that?”
“I guess I never saw myself as that kind of woman.”
“I see that kind of woman as daring, brave.”
“Really? You see me like that?”
“I do,” he said, gently spooning me in a way that was so tender, it was odd to think we barely knew one another. He pulled a heavy duvet over our bodies and nested it around us.
When I woke six hours later, he was gone. And oddly, I was fine with that. I was so happy to have had those moments with him, and to let them pass without feeling loss. As sweet as he was, I actually wanted to enjoy my last days in Whistler alone. Still, it was nice to read a note he left on the bathroom vanity: Cassie, you are lovely. And I am late for work! But you know where to find me. À bientôt, Theo.
Matilda was admiring my pictures as I yammered on in the coach house about how exciting it had been to hit the slopes again. I told her about the mini-moguls on Blackcomb Mountain, where I spent my last day. Danica came over to us with coffees and cooed over a photo Marcel had taken of Theo and me enjoying our fondue.
“He is keee-yoot,” she said, before ducking away and leaving Matilda and me alone.
When I had told her about Theo, she was delighted. She asked me how we met, what he said, what I said. Then I told her about … what we did.
“Did you enjoy it?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I’d do it again, maybe. With the right partner. Someone I could trust.”
“Cassie, I have something for you,” she said, opening a drawer in the desk and pulling out a small wooden box.
She opened the box. The Step Eight charm looked dazzling against its black velvet background.
“But, I thought Theo was just some random guy, not a participant.”
“It doesn’t matter if he was part of our society or not.”
“I don’t understand.”
“This Step is Bravery, which is different from courage because bravery requires you take risks without overthinking things. Bravery says, ‘Go for it.’ So, whether or not Theo is part of S.E.C.R.E.T. is irrelevant. You’ve earned this charm.”
I plucked the charm from the box, turned it over in my hand and then clicked it into place on my bracelet. I gave my wrist a shake and admired the twinkling charms. So was Theo a random stranger drawn to me naturally? Or was he involved in S.E.C.R.E.T? I couldn’t figure it out. But perhaps Matilda was right: it didn’t matter.
“I’ll allow myself to believe I attracted Theo,” I said, “Though I still have my doubts.”
“Good, Cassie. No more being a wallflower. You, my dear, have blossomed.”
