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‘Si!’ he agreed hotly. ‘There is a problem! A big problem. Surely you can see that for yourself? We have different lives but a shared child. And for as long as we remain unmarried I have no legal say in what happens to that child.’
He felt his lips harden with determination. What had his lawyer said? “Marriage just makes things easier, Dante—because even if the marriage doesn’t endure the law is on your side. Without it you must rely on the woman’s benevolence in order to see your child—and this woman might not be feeling particularly benevolent towards you.”
He looked at Justina now, her black hair silvered by the moonlight which streamed in through the unshuttered windows. He thought how majestic she looked, with the flow of her satin robe clinging like oil to the soft curves of her body. He thought of her talent and the loving way she was with his son.
‘Marry me, Justina,’ he said.
There was a long silence as Justina looked into his eyes and tried to steel herself against their dark beauty. She told herself that this was not the time to listen to her heart—that the soft dip in his voice was simply Dante at his most charmingly manipulative. For her son’s sake she had to be governed by reason and nothing else.
‘And if I do. What’s in it for me?’ she questioned.
‘Security, of course.’ He smiled. ‘And family.’
Justina smiled back, because he was clever. Oh, he was very clever. He had picked on the two things which had always eluded her. The two things she’d always yearned for. A sense of home and being rooted and a sense of being safe. But how could she be safe when what they had was only the mirage of a family... And once that mirage had disappeared, what would be left behind? A man who didn’t love and a woman who did.
She shook her head, fighting against the temptation to leap at it, telling herself that she had too much to lose by buying into a dream. ‘It isn’t enough.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because...’ And then the words came tumbling out. Words she’d buried in some deep place inside herself now spooled out in a dark stream. ‘Because I can’t be married to a man I don’t trust. A man who can just walk away from a woman he was supposed to marry and a few short days later take somebody else to his bed!’
He winced. ‘What’s the point of bringing that up again?’ he questioned wearily. ‘I thought we’d done all this. It’s in the past, Justina. It’s done.’
‘But the legacy of that day continues, Dante. It threatens any future we might have—can’t you see that?’
‘No, I damned well can’t. Our relationship was over,’ he bit out. ‘You know that. I wasn’t expecting you to walk in on me. That was the last thing in the world I wanted.’
‘But that’s not the point, is it? The point is that you were....you were with her.’ Briefly she covered her mouth, as if she was afraid she might be sick, before letting her fingers slide down to rest against her neck. ‘I thought what we had was so special—but how could it have been? How the hell could you replace me so quickly?’
‘She was not replacing you! She could never have replaced you. Nobody could. I know it was wrong. God help me, I know that now. But I was hurting. And I missed you,’ he said simply. ‘I missed you so much.’
‘You had a funny way of showing it.’
‘And I was angry,’ he admitted. ‘More angry than I’d ever been. That played its part—of course it did. I was angry that you kept going away on tour—that you were prepared to put your career before our relationship. I guess I blamed you for the split, and I did what countless other men have done in the same situation. I went to a bar and drank a little too much, and she—’
‘I don’t want to hear this!’
‘Well, maybe you should!’ His black eyes burned into her. ‘Maybe
it should all come out so that we can be rid of it once and for all. She came on to me like women are always coming on to me—only I’d never looked at another woman from the moment I’d met you. It was never even a consideration. Only this time it was different. We were over. Finished. This time I wanted...comfort.’
‘Stop it!’ she hissed. ‘You wanted sex and you damned well got it! You were just unlucky that I came in and caught you.’
‘I was wrong,’ he repeated harshly. ‘I just grabbed at the first thing which came along and it was too soon—much too soon. And if its purpose was to try to forget you, then I can assure you that it didn’t work.’
‘It’s easy to say that now.’
‘Easy? You think this is easy?’ he demanded, his face so tense that it looked as if it might shatter at any moment. ‘If I could go back in time I would. If I could change it then I would. But I can’t. Nobody can do that.’ His eyes were the colour of molten jet as he held both hands up in a gesture of appeal. ‘I’m asking you to forgive me, Jus. I’m asking you to take me back and to marry me—to let me spend the rest of my life making you happy.’
Justina’s heart contracted with a pain which was complicated by a temptation so strong that she didn’t know if she’d be able to resist it. Because she wanted to reach out and tell him that, yes, she would take him back. She wanted to have him hold her and kiss her and keep her close. She wanted to buy in to the dream that they could be the perfect couple and the perfect family. But it was just a dream—how could it be anything other than that when the trust between them had been severed?
He said that he wanted only her—but he’d said that once before, hadn’t he? Who was to say that Dante wouldn’t stray next time they ran into some kind of difficulty, as inevitably they would? There were a million women out there, just waiting to “come on” to him. She knew that. There was always a woman waiting in the wings for a married man to have a weak enough moment to stray. Hadn’t her own mother proved that, time and time again?
And through all his extraordinary declaration—through all his heartfelt words—there remained one startling omission. He hadn’t even mentioned the word love. Maybe she should be grateful that he wasn’t coating his proposal with sweet declarations which meant nothing, but what hope would a marriage have without love? Even if she was honest enough to admit to herself that she was falling in love with him all over again that wouldn’t be enough to go round, would it? Not nearly enough to protect her from the influence of gorgeous blondes with hunger in their eyes.
She forced herself to say it, even though her heart was sending out a silent scream of protest.
‘I can’t do it,’ she said. ‘I just...can’t. I saw it and I felt so utterly betrayed—and I don’t think I can get past that. Trust is almost impossible to repair once it’s been broken.’
