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hat, they destroyed most of her letters to me.’
‘Oh, Nikolai.’ Zara’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘That’s absolutely terrible. What…what happened? ‘
He had known that her face would soften with sweet sympathy and hadn’t a part of him longed for that—just as the other conflicting side of his nature had made him want to reject it? To tell her that he didn’t need her sympathy. That he didn’t need a damned thing from her.
‘She died—quite suddenly—and when they went through her belongings, they found out that she’d spent years trying to get the authorities to allow me to join her.’
‘But how…. how did you discover all this?’ she whispered.
‘I tracked down her lover’s son. He was surprisingly helpful—in fact, he was exceedingly generous, given the circumstances. He said his father had really loved my mother but that he’d owed the greater loyalty to his family. He took me to her grave. I …’
The faltering thickness of his voice was like a spear to her heart and Zara stood up and went to him, not caring about the state of their relationship or whether or not it was over. Not caring about anything other than a fierce need to reach out and comfort him. She put her arms around him, hugged him very tightly. ‘I’m so sorry.’
For a moment he resisted and then he put his arms around her waist and rested his face on her breasts. ‘How I have misjudged her,’ he said bitterly.
‘What else could you have done? You had no evidence of this—only the reality of your life. You were just a child—caught in a mixed-up world of adults with all their conflicting needs. How could you have known that you were a victim of your aunt’s greed?’ She sucked in a faltering breath before expelling it in a rush. ‘But you’ve made your peace with her now, Nikolai.’
‘How?’ he demanded. ‘How have I done that?’
‘Because you’ve discovered the truth—that she was doing the best she could. And you’ve forgiven her. You have, haven’t you? And now you will just have to learn to forgive yourself. That’s what she would want. You must, Nikolai—or else all her efforts will have been in vain.’ She lifted his face and bent to kiss it—staying very close when finally she drew her lips away. ‘Mustn’t you?’ she questioned softly.
He knew she was right. Just as he knew he wouldn’t have gone seeking the truth if it hadn’t been for her. He would have just buried all the unanswered questions and let them eat away at him. He nodded. ‘I owe you,’ he said quietly.
‘You don’t owe me anything.’
‘Yes, I do.’ He just hadn’t worked out how to pay off the debt. Wouldn’t the best thing he could do for Zara Evans be to walk away from her and let this whole affair fade into a distant memory? Tightening his hands around her waist, he inhaled deeply and could smell the pungent scent of the tomato leaves on her skin as desire drove every good intention from him, bar the urgent need to possess her again. How could he bear to let her go when she could still make him feel like this? ‘And I’ve missed you,’ he said huskily.
‘Well, that I can agree with. I’ve missed you, too.’
Roughly, he pulled her properly onto his lap, splayed his hand very deliberately over her breast. ‘How much?’
‘It’s …’ she felt her eyes close ‘… difficult to quantify.’
‘We could try.’
‘Yes, we could.’
He looked at her. ‘Do you think we should resume where we left off?’
Every instinct in her body screamed at her to be careful. To protect herself against potential heartache. Because he wasn’t offering her anything different, was he? Just more of the same. ‘I don’t know, Nikolai,’ she whispered. ‘I just don’t know.’
‘Don’t you? I think you do.’ He began to kiss her, lips brushing provocatively against hers until eventually they stayed there as the kiss lengthened, hardened. He slipped his hand underneath her T-shirt and a rush of heat swept through her as he began to caress her breast. A little cry escaped her as her hungry body flared into life beneath his touch. She was greedy for him. Impatient for him. Boldly, she let her fingers brush over the hardened ridge in his jeans until he sucked in an unsteady breath.
‘If we don’t move from here in a minute,’ he ground out, ‘then I think we’re in danger of having an indecency order slapped on us.’
‘You …’ Her tongue edged out to moisten lips which suddenly seemed to have swollen to twice their normal size. ‘You once boasted to me how discreet you could be.’
Had he? Yes, he had. In a car on a mountainside in France when his desire to possess her had been urgent. It was still urgent, but he no longer wanted to demonstrate his sleight of hand, nor to feel a heady sense of power at how easily he could pleasure a woman. He wanted her in the most fundamental way of all—to be deep inside her body—and here was not the place. ‘No boasting now, angel moy. I am a reformed and humble man.’
Sure he was. With a wistful smile, Zara traced the outline of his lips with her finger. ‘You w-want to go home?’
‘Actually …’ his voice was uneven ‘… thought that I might have a look at your bedroom now that I’m here. Do you want to show me where it is?’
‘Oh, yes,’ she whispered as the unbearable possibility of having to wait a moment longer began to recede.
It seemed somehow daring to lead him up the narrow staircase to the little room she’d had since childhood. She had modified it since then, of course—her jigsaw puzzles and toy farm had long been replaced by books and on the walls were blown-up photos she’d taken at college of misty, early-morning harvests and a much-prized moonlit shot of a deserted beach. But nobody had ever lain on this bed except for her and somehow the fact that it should be Nikolai felt terribly significant. Or was she reading too much into it—because she loved him—loved him in a way he had not asked to be loved?
Don’t frighten him away, she told herself as she bit back the overwhelming desire to blurt the words out. Yet no matter how hard she tried to temper her feelings, Zara found herself overcome with emotion as he pulled the clips from her hair. In fact, she was so overcome that she just stood there, helpless and unmoving as he peeled off her T-shirt and her bra and pushed the jeans down her trembling legs so that she was left wearing nothing.
